This place is beautiful as a the side of a Coors Lite bottle. The kind my dad used to leave in the bathroom.
“Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts” · Season 23
In this episode: Bart Simpson (3), Homer Simpson (2), Principal Skinner (2), Marge Simpson (1), Lisa Simpson (1), Nelson Muntz (1), Seymour Skinner (1), Groundskeeper Willie (1)
[After Skinner has fallen for Bart's latest prank]
SCSuperintendant Chalmers
I'd say you're dumb as a post, but at least you can put a sign on a post that says, "Fresh strawberries-- one mile." You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit.
PSPrincipal Skinner
[quietly] I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
SSkinner
[angry] I said, I'm lop-shouldered...and I have been since I was hung by my armpits in a North Vietnamese prison!
[shocked by the outburst] I... I didn't know that.
SSkinner
Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill a week's worth of morning announcements, with enough left over for a send-home flyer!
There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour.
SSkinner
If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, why don't you do it yourself?! [The rest of the teaching staff cheers]
I thought teachers only went outside to smoke and cry.
Same garbage, different dumpster.
We have shirts from other high schools.
Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.
[After seeing Bart locking a door.] Bart, what are you doing?
Taking over the school. With all the kids inside.
What?! I'm telling mom!
Great, you can call her from the closet phone. [Locks Lisa in the closet.]
[offscreen] Hello, mom? You won't believe what Bart's doing.
There really is a phone in there? [Bart opens the closet door, revealing that Lisa was faking. Lisa sticks her tongue at Bart. Bart locks the closet again.] So immature.
[The kids threaten to destroy a photocopier if Willie breaks the door down.]
Willie, stay your tractor.
Ya can't just turn 'er on and off like that! [Skinner turns the key which turns off the tractor.] Oh, ah guess ya can.
Yar, just plastic. Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean.
Don't buy it. I bought one last year and it was crap construction!
Marge, my ice cream's melting and I haven't finished my brownie!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.