You look like a dorky version of me!
And you look like a dim-witted version of me!
S20Double, Double, Boy in Trouble
[angrily strangles Simon, who is impersonating Bart, while the real Bart, impersonating Simon, is in the Woosterfield limousine] You ruined everything!
Driver, laugh at those people for me.
My pleasure, sir. [False laughing]
[holding toy newspaper] For your information, The Daily Growl is the only newspaper that's not afraid to say how great this country is.
[Bart marvels at the things in Simon's bedroom]
Wow, cool poster of Joe Montana.
JMJoe Montana
[steps out of the wall] It's not a poster.
[Bart screams]
JMJoe Montana
I'm the real deal. Every day I stand here the family donates a million dollars to Notre Dame. Did you know the words "Notre Dame" are French, but the team is the Fighting Irish? That's the kind of thing I think about in here.
Back in the poster, gabby.
JMJoe Montana
Yes, sir.
[Homer, Marge and Lisa are eating noodles except Simon]
Why are these noodles orange?
I made it with Cheetos, just like you like it. If the sauce is too thick, I can add more root beer.
Maybe I'm just not hungry.
Human garbage can to the rescue! [he eats Simon's noodles, then he talks with mouthful] So at work today, we got a memo saying everyone's getting new chairs.
Father, could you...
[mouthful] Talk louder? You bet! Naturally I threw my old chair in the Dumpster right away! But then Lenny said, "No. That was the new chair. That memo was two months old." So now I'm sitting on an orange crate. I never felt so...
[very angry] Will you stop spitting food on me?
Huh?
Keep your meal in your mouth, you semi-literate spew monkey!
[angrily] That's it, boy! You're going to bed without supper!
[Simon goes upstairs to Bart's bedroom]
S20Treehouse of Horror XIX
[The kitchen is filled with appliances transforming]
Hey, is there something different about the kitchen?
TTransformers
No, no, no. [Homer looks at the toaster which transforms into the word "No"]
Well, the toaster's never lied to me before.
DDestructicus
That does not compute.
[sternly] Really?
DDestructicus
Well, it computes a little.
[on phone] Entertain the troops? No way! What have they ever done for me?
[approaching him] Krusty, you made my daughter cry.
Hey, my intellectual property rights were being infringed. Do you know how that feels? Do you? Huh? Do you?
[Enraged Homer pushes Krusty into a swing, into a merry-go-round that spins him onto a pony, then a trampoline, then into a wood chipper, Krusty screams as he shredded alive]
[walks into Krusty has been killed, pick up his heart] One, two, three. One, two, three. Oh! It's no use. [closes Krusty's eyes]
Well, you know, it is awfully hot today. [chuckles] Now I'm too cold. Mmm.
[Homer is being sucked into the possessed voting machine during the opener]
This doesn't happen in America! Maybe in Ohio--but not America!
S20Dangerous Curves
Hey, everybody pees in the pool.
[When a hitchhiker couple make out in the back of his car]
Knock it off! How dare you expose my children to your tender feelings! Bart, don't you dare take your eyes off that game boy!
Yes, sir. [Plays a video game about killing popular cereal mascots] I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!
Video games: The reason this generation of Americans is the best ever.
S20Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words
SIMPSON, what in the blue blazes are you doing to my hop-scotching grids?
[a bit worried] I made them into a crossword.
Oh, well ha ha, I'm a bit of a puzzlehead myself. They help me wind down after a day of dealing with SKINNER!!
[Appears in the school window.] You called?
Made a reference.
My mistake. [Disappears back in the window.]
You're welcome, now, I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!!
[Appears in the school window.] You called?
You misheard.
My mistake. [Disappears back in the window.]
I'd like to bet everything against my daughter.
[Everyone in the bar turns and gasps.]
BBookie
I'll take your money...but I won't look you in the eye.
Fine! I won't look you in the eye!
[Short period of them poking each other with the money and a bag for taking the money.]
Got it?
BBookie
[muffled with money in his mouth] I got it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.