We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her "Mary." We name all our kids after what we thinks gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed In Jail?
SIStabbed In Jail
[whittling a stick] We'll see who stabs who.
S19Apocalypse Cow
Let this be a lesson to you, never form emotional attachments... also don't be a cow.
S19Any Given Sundance
[Marge is trying to find a good movie at Sundance.]
Ooh! Regularsville! This might be the one for me!
[Marge goes inside the theater and sees, on screen, a man in a bra putting on makeup.]
[Shudders and immediately closes the door.] Okay. Ooh! Candyland! A great family game is now a great family movie!
[Marge goes inside and sees on the screen, two hippies about to drug themselves with heroin]
[Shudders and closes the door again.] I get it! Every title means the opposite of what it means! Then I guess I'll love...Chernobyl Graveyard!
[Marge goes in and immediately comes out.]
I didn't.
Well, if we can't get into Sundance, would you like to check out its alternative cousin, Slamdance?
I'd rather die.
[In Lisa's movie premiere, Bart is laughing while foolishly throwing dishes on the floor]
[turns red in anger] You stupid kid! What if I walked in here barefoot?
You did, Dad.
[Homer realizes he stepped on some broken dishes in his bare feet. He screams in pain and strangles Bart in anger. Marge cleans up the broken dishes with a small broom.]
[off-screen] Happy birthday, Mom.
[groans sadly] Thank you, dear.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
S19Mona Leaves-a
[Talking to his mother] You keep disappearing and reappearing and it's not funny. You're just like that show, Scrubs.
For Marge, I leave this handbag, made of nature's finest material, hemp.
[Sniffs the bag] Smells like concerts!
I don't even want your pie!
But you already ate the whole thing.
Well, I'm not going to digest it!
S19All About Lisa
ASAward Show Presentator
We now come to our final award: Entertainer of the Year. An award so prestigious that it recently won the 'Award of the Year' Award at the 2007 Awardie Awards.
[Narrating] Lisa didn't know it then, but she had just dipped her toe into the business of show! And it is a business, as you shall find out in about three seconds. Two... One...
[The show cuts to commercial.]
[At an auction for a "Kissing Lincolns Penny"]
Five dollars!
Five hundred.
Five dollars, cash.
HHost
Sir, the promise of cash is not an endorsement. The current bid is $500. Going once, going twice--
Dad!
Five hundred-one!
Ten million.
Objection, Your Honor!
Have no fear, the star is here!
Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.