The Simpsons · Season 10
At auction, I'd expect this to sell for $20-30,000. Except that on the handle, somebody's carved "Homer Rocks!"
And I do! WOO!!
Appraised value: $15.
I'm gonna kill him! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!! [picks up Skinner's antique gun, which disintegrates]
The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?
Simpson! I want to be loved.
Well, I'll need some beer.
I don't know how you can all just lay ... When was the last time we went for a good, old-fashioned family walk?
Single? He passes the Selma test!
Oh,
[Homer talks to the boudoir photographer over the phone]
You're not going to ask me to pose nude, are you?
Well, yes, unless you have issues about revealing your body.
I don't, but the block association seems to. They wanted a "traditional" Santa.
[writing her letter] We can better ourselves!
[Lisa then sees a naked Bart riding a pig in the hallway]
[to herself] Well, most of us.
[Stephen Hawking and Homer go for beers at Moe's]
Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
Wow. I can't believe someone I never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.
All right, it's closing time. Who's payin' the tab?
[imitating Hawking's voice] I am.
I didn't say that.
[still imitating Hawking] Yes, I did. [Hawking hits Homer in the face with the boxing glove from his wheelchair] D'oh.
Let's see what's been captured in the Up-Kilt camera. Ugh, this lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. Agh, that's Willie!
My name is Mary. I'm 45, heavy, and willing to settle for less.
Wow. This Mary's got the whole package.
Wow, Dad, You're surfin' like a pro.
Oh, yeah, I'm betting on jai alai in the Cayman Islands. I invested in something called News Corp--
Dad! That's Fox!
Undo! Undo!
Dad, do we have any money left?
Well, let's check the old bank account. See? Even after my cyber squandering, we've still got $1,200.
All right, dorks, this is a holdup. Oh, yes! Download to papa. Yoink dot adiós, back-slash losers.
Hawaii here we come!
Lisa No, no. We're going to Paris I can feel it.
Come on Transylvania
Homer [Jamaican accent] No mon, let's go home to Jamaica. I and I been in Babylon too long!
Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure and has 4 available mega-saver seats.
Yeah!
Come on, Homer, Japan.
No, not Japan, Jamaica. I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.
Never mind. Looks like the Flanders are gonna get those seats anyway.
Oh, so Flanders he can steal our vacation, huh? Come on! Sayonara, suckers.
Yay! The Simpsons are going to Japan. [a gong sounds. Zoom out to reveal that the Simpsons' airport cart crashed into a gong]
Hey, watch the gong, jerk.
C'mon Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.
That's not how I remember it. Besides if we wanted to see Japanese people, we could've gone to the zoo.
[offended by Homer's allegedly racist comment] Homer!
What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He was in my book club.
Look, Mom, the safety instructions are written in haiku. "Fasten seat belts tight. Your seat cushions float gently. Headsets, five dollars."
Sir, it is not safe to use electronic devices yet.
You're the waitress. [turns it off. Cut to outside shot of the plane as it nosedives]
Turn it back on! Turn it back on!
I never knew Jim Belushi made so many movies.
Yeah, isn't it amazing? They're filming one right now in the bathroom. Gonna be on towards the end of the flight.
Toga! Toga! Toga! 2000!
Marge, they stole my idea.
Welcome to Japan, folks. The local time is tomorrow.
Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.
[gasps] They're years ahead of us!
[as he turns on the TV in the next room] Mom, Lise, check it out, Dad's on TV.
[unzips his pants and sits on the toilet] Oh, yeah! [Marge and the kids are heard screaming in the next room]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
