[Explaining the ring toss booth] The main thing is to bring in the rubes.
SSpud
Do whatever it takes. Sweet talk, insults, slang from the '30s that no one uses anymore.
Like "rubes"?
SSpud
Now you're on the trolley.
S9Bart Carny
You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you?
The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first to show him how.
[angry] I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard!
Sorry, Your Majesty.
Word around here is your game is crooked.
And how!
Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand]
I understand.
Uh, Dad?
Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman.
Let me put it to you this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
No. He's Bart.
Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr Bribe. Wink, wink.
[pause] ...It's a ring toss game.
All right, That's it, I'm shutting this place down.
What ain't that nothing?
Our game, our home... What happened here?
Cops took it.
...
Why didn't you bribe 'em?
I tried, but the opportunity never came up.
Carnies took over our house, you've gotta help us!
Well well, look who it is, Mr. No Bribe. Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like I Give A Damn.
Thank you so much.
Uh, Dad...
Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.
We can't just give up on our house. There's got to be a way to get these guys out of there.
I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.
We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!
Well... if we did set fire to the house-
No fires!
I've got it!
No fires!
Aw!
There must be a way to outsmart them.
Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folks in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games- That's it! Fire!
S9The Joy of Sect
I always say: a boy can learn more at an airport then he can at any school.
I've never heard of these Movementarians. Are they some kind of church?
Who cares what it is? The point is that these are some decent generous people that I can take advantage of.
But what if they try to talk us into something?
Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time-share vacation condo?
You bought four of them! Thank God the check bounced.
So I beat the system.
Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.
Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.
Homer no function beer well without.
[preaching at church] This so called "new religion" is nothing more than a bunch of weird rituals designed to take away the money of fools. Now, let's say the Lord's prayer 40 times but first let's pass the collection plate.
Your family will be housed here for the first 100,000 years, then something might open up in a double.
Why even unpack?
Wait, I'm confused about the movie ... so the cops knew Internal Affairs was setting them up?
What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there.
Well, you see when I get bored I make up my own movies. I have a very short attention span.
JJane
But our point is very simple, you see when...
Oh look! A bird! Hee hee hee!
[Homer runs after the bird]
Outsiders have kidnapped some of our property. We must respond with our deadliest weapon.
JJane
[sinister] The lawyers.
It's wonderful to think for ourselves again.
You said it, sister.
TVTV voice-over
You are watching Fox.
HMHomer, Marge, Bart, and Lisa
We are watching Fox.
Smithers, why haven't I heard of this "The Leader"? He's as rich and wicked as I, but he seems to enjoy tax exempt status!
Actually, sir, with our creative book-keeping and corporate loop holes we only pay three dollars a year.
[Shocked] You're right, we're getting screwed! There must be something we can do about this. Yes, I believe I know just the thing [Evil laugh] [Long Pause]
Uh, sir... You've got to tell me what the plan is, or nothing will happen.
Oh, right. The plan. You see me as a God, right, Smithers?
Absolutely, sir!
You'd kneel before me?
Boy, would I!
Yes... uh... Then I'll just form my own religion, with its own special symbol [Burns starts sketching down a symbol.] We'll use this special K! [It's the Kellogg symbol]
I believe that's already a breakfast cereal, sir.
Do people worship it?
In a way...
Alright, then... how about this? [Sketches another symbol, which is Mickey Mouse's ears.]
Ah, why don't you leave the symbol to me, sir?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.