But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?
You're just going to our backyard, no one will see you.
[off-camera, as Bart opens door] HA-
[pointing towards door after Bart closes it] Mmmm!
[still off-camera] -HA!
“Bart Carny” · Season 9
In this episode: Homer Simpson (5), Bart Simpson (5), Marge Simpson (3), Cooder (3), Lisa Simpson (2), Nelson Muntz (2), Chief Wiggum (2)
COCarnival Owner
Some say the skeleton of Hitler himself is in the trunk. But, I'm a busy man, and I haven't had the time to look.
Hey, you lost your money fair and square! I didn't scam nobody!
[laughing] Put down your stick. We're here to work.
Starting today, we're carnies, just like you.
Well, in that case, let me show you how I scammed you.
[Explaining the ring toss booth] The main thing is to bring in the rubes.
SSpud
Do whatever it takes. Sweet talk, insults, slang from the '30s that no one uses anymore.
Like "rubes"?
SSpud
Now you're on the trolley.
You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you?
The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first to show him how.
[angry] I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard!
Sorry, Your Majesty.
Word around here is your game is crooked.
And how!
Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand]
I understand.
Uh, Dad?
Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman.
Let me put it to you this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
No. He's Bart.
Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr Bribe. Wink, wink.
[pause] ...It's a ring toss game.
All right, That's it, I'm shutting this place down.
What ain't that nothing?
Our game, our home... What happened here?
Cops took it.
...
Why didn't you bribe 'em?
I tried, but the opportunity never came up.
Carnies took over our house, you've gotta help us!
Well well, look who it is, Mr. No Bribe. Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like I Give A Damn.
Thank you so much.
Uh, Dad...
Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.
We can't just give up on our house. There's got to be a way to get these guys out of there.
I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.
We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!
Well... if we did set fire to the house-
No fires!
I've got it!
No fires!
Aw!
There must be a way to outsmart them.
Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folks in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games- That's it! Fire!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.