[sees a school bus inside the painting] The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!
Nope, says right there: [points the painting and reads it] "School Bus".
S5Treehouse of Horror IV
[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams] Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!
[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting] They're dogs, and they're playing poker!
[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns' castle. Homer rings the doorbell.]
[via intercom] Welcome, come in. [sinisterly, still heard on intercom] Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Oh, son of a bi-- [door opens]
BART! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis— Wait a minute! You ARE a vampire!
QUICK!! We have to kill the boy!!
How'd you know he's a vampire?
He's a vampire? [screams]
We've got to do something! Today, he's drinking people's blood - tomorrow, he could be smoking!
[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns's crypt. Homer opens his casket and is ready to stake him.]
Take that, vile fiend! [starts staking Burns repeatedly]
Uh, dad? That's his crotch.
Oh.. sorry. [puts stake to his heart] BAH!!
[screams]
[He quivers then stops and melts into mold]
[relieved] Aah...
[comes back to life] YOU'RE FIRED!!! [melts into mold and dies again]
D'OH!
S5Marge on the Lam
RWRescue Worker 1
Homer, this is never easy to say, I'm going have to saw your arms off.
They'll grow back, right?
RWRescue Worker
Oh...yeah.
Whew.
[the rescue worker starts the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm]
RWRescue Worker 2
Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
Your point being?
[Homer leaves with everyone laughing at him]
You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.
[suspicious] Wait a second... [pulls a card from his pocket: "ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS"] Hmm...you kids do need a babysitter.
Blast that infernal card! [to Homer] Don't give that card to me.
Here you g-- [pulls back] No!
Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
Three.
Two.
Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
Done.
[to himself] Still got it!
RPRuth Powers
Look. You can see our houses.
Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
(cut to the Simpsons living room. Lionel Hutz is throwing piles of his personal effects into the fireplace while Bart and Lisa watch)
Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. (cheerfully): Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
[Bart and Lisa wake up the next day on the couch]
Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.
[Lisa budges Lionel Hutz awake. He growls menacingly and brandishes a knife]
[defensively] Don't touch my stuff! [realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face] H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.
Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.
Woohoo!
S5Bart's Inner Child
Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine! [crashes into the other car]
[as the trampoline jumps on him repeatedly onto a cliff] If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. [dissolves to nighttime] I'm thirsty. [This causes the cliff to break, and fall off]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.