“Marge on the Lam” · Season 5
In this episode: Homer Simpson (4), Lionel Hutz (3), Bart Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Marge Simpson (1), Narrator (1)
Homer, this is never easy to say, I'm going have to saw your arms off.
They'll grow back, right?
Oh...yeah.
Whew.
[the rescue worker starts the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm]
Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
Your point being?
[Homer leaves with everyone laughing at him]
You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.
[suspicious] Wait a second... [pulls a card from his pocket: "ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS"] Hmm...you kids do need a babysitter.
Blast that infernal card! [to Homer] Don't give that card to me.
Here you g-- [pulls back] No!
Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
Three.
Two.
Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
Done.
[to himself] Still got it!
Look. You can see our houses.
Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
(cut to the Simpsons living room. Lionel Hutz is throwing piles of his personal effects into the fireplace while Bart and Lisa watch)
Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. (cheerfully): Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
[Bart and Lisa wake up the next day on the couch]
Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.
[Lisa budges Lionel Hutz awake. He growls menacingly and brandishes a knife]
[defensively] Don't touch my stuff! [realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face] H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.
Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.
Woohoo!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
