[first lines]
[walking in front of a set of paintings] Paintings: Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell! So scary and horrible...
“Treehouse of Horror IV” · Season 5
In this episode: Homer Simpson (6), Bart Simpson (3), Devil Ned (3), Marge Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Mr. Burns (2), Waylon Smithers (1), Grampa Simpson (1)
[Devil Ned has give Homer an enchanted doughnut.]
Oooh!
Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for...
[Homer has already scarfed the doughnut, except for one small piece.]
Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
Well, technically, no, but...
[sing-song] I'm smarter than the Devil! I'm smarter than the Dev--
[Devil Ned angrily transforms into a huge, red demon.]
[deep voice] YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!!
[He vanishes into the floor. Homer smugly puts the last doughnut piece into his pocket.]
Not likely. He, he, he.
[In Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division, Homer is strapped to a chair where a blue demon arrives]
BDBlue Demon
So, you like donuts, eh?
Uh-huh.
BDBlue Demon
Well! Have all the donuts in the world!
[He starts laughing as Homer is force fed donuts. 15 minutes later, it's revealed that this torture has backfired as Homer still hasn't had enough.]
More.
BDBlue Demon
I don't understand it. James Coco went mad in 15 minutes.
I give you the Jury of the Damned: Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon.
But I’m not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Hey, listen, I did a favor for you.
Yes, master.
John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger. And the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.
Alright Simpson, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten doughnut be FOREVER ON YOUR HEAD!!!
[screams]
[sees a school bus inside the painting] The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!
Nope, says right there: [points the painting and reads it] "School Bus".
[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams] Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!
[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting] They're dogs, and they're playing poker!
[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns' castle. Homer rings the doorbell.]
[via intercom] Welcome, come in. [sinisterly, still heard on intercom] Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Oh, son of a bi-- [door opens]
BART! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis— Wait a minute! You ARE a vampire!
QUICK!! We have to kill the boy!!
How'd you know he's a vampire?
He's a vampire? [screams]
We've got to do something! Today, he's drinking people's blood - tomorrow, he could be smoking!
[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns's crypt. Homer opens his casket and is ready to stake him.]
Take that, vile fiend! [starts staking Burns repeatedly]
Uh, dad? That's his crotch.
Oh.. sorry. [puts stake to his heart] BAH!!
[screams]
[He quivers then stops and melts into mold]
[relieved] Aah...
[comes back to life] YOU'RE FIRED!!! [melts into mold and dies again]
D'OH!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.