We're taking Maggie to the bookstore, so she can learn the way kids did from 1910 to 2002.
S24Hardly Kirk-ing
[last lines]
Why, you little...! That's not a heartwarming thing to end on!
S24Gorgeous Grampa
[as Homer changes channels, sees "Swamp Huffers"] Um...
(sees "American Tattoo Burner-Offers) oh!
(sees "Autopsy Wars") Ugh!
(sees "Coackroach Tervention") Eek!
(sees "Wheelchair Thieves of Beverly Hills") Yikes!
(sees "Porn Hoarders") Oh.
(sees "One Big Happy Hobo Taxidermy Family") Ew.
(sees "Roadkill Cook-Off") Ugh.
(sees "Everglades Gay Wedding Chapel") Well...
(sees "Cough Syrup Bandit) ew!
(sees "American Junk Piercers") Ah!
(sees "Skunk People") Dad!
(sees "Tiny Horses, Tiny Glue Factory") Nope!
(sees "Toddlers and Tarantulas", screams)
(sees "Meth Boss") Whoa.
(sees "Crocodile Matchmaker") Seriously?
(sees "Porn Hoarders: Texas", shrieks)
[to Lisa] Your father wasted his life his whole life being married to your mother and having you. We got to find him a boyfriend before it's too late.
Why don't you put a personal ad on the Internet? That's how young people date these days.
It's weird that you don't consider yourself a young person.
I know. It's weird to me too.
I don't ride side-saddle. I'm as straight as a submarine.
Hello, Smithers. Fancy seeing you in casual encounter park.
Oh, my gay dad is gay for gays.
Writing is for bathroom walls and acting is for getting out of DUIs.
S24Black Eyed, Please
You may never see a film in 3D again. [chuckles]
But the storytelling is finally catching up to the technology.
Why does someone become a bully?
Neglect.
Abuse.
I'm a Cubs fan.
[after seeing a weird church in the devilish cave] No, not Surf n Murf!
I know you feel guilty about about cold-cocking Homer.
Please don't use that word in bed.
I want you to punch me in the eye. If you do, then we're even according to Exodus, Leviticus, and Matthew.
You went and hired a law firm, eh. That's pretty aggressive.
Come on, Homer. I'm insisting on a fisting.
What's this about a fisting?
[Ned comes home and finds his parents and Homer smoking marijuana and watching TV]
Homer, I can't believe you're partaking with my parents.
Yeah, it's medicinal; we had a pain in our neck!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.