OOtto
What's the matter, Lisa? You're usually the first one out of this death trap.
S22Elementary School Musical
Lisa, please stick to the illegally Xeroxed sheet music.
Can my son come too? He knows what to do when I swallow my tongue.
The arctic circle, or as I long to call it, my wife's side of the bed. For the purposes of that joke I'm married.
Look, I'm really sorry about all the things I've been charged with, as well as all the stuff you don't know about yet.
S22Loan-a Lisa
I just paid some idiot 50 bucks to walk up the down escalator all day. [scene cuts to Gil walking up the down escalator]
S22MoneyBART
Fine, you can be our coach.
Thanks. You can be the free safety.
Wrong sport.
I mean, the point guard.
Also wrong.
I'm gonna do a little research.
A little is not gonna be enough, honey pie.
Don't call me "honey pie".
You got it, tootsie pop.
[grunts]
Get a room, you two.
We're brother and sister.
So are my parents, I think.
Bart, this guy has walked the last two batters, and if he walks you, we win the game. Don't swing at anything.
But I'm on a hot streak!
Hot streaks are a statistical illusion!
I wish you were a statistical illusion.
Well, there's a 97% chance I'm not, so do what I say!
Managers manage, and players play.
Do alligators alligate?
I don't know! Yes!
I'm scared!
You made me love baseball. Not as a collection of numbers, but as an unpredictable, passionate game, beaten in excitement only by every other sport.
S22Treehouse of Horror XXI
[thinking he fast forwarded the entire episode with his remote] Oh, I went too far. I've spoiled the whole show for everybody. I don't deserve to wield the remote.
It's just a game. We're not really hurting anybody. [accidentally hits Milhouse in the eye with controller]
My non-lazy eye!
[Marge accidentally hits Milhouse in the eye with her elbow]
My other eye!
[After taking Lisa to the forest and carrying her up a tree, Edmund reveals his fangs]
[gasps] You're a vampire! I should be scared, but I'm not.
Let us move between the trees the way a bat does... by jumping!
Edmund's almost here! So please, nobody be themselves.
I know, I know. Don't serve garlic, don't stab your guest in the heart with a wooden stake, don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein. It's racist somehow.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.