[thinking he fast forwarded the entire episode with his remote] Oh, I went too far. I've spoiled the whole show for everybody. I don't deserve to wield the remote.
“Treehouse of Horror XXI” · Season 22
In this episode: Lisa Simpson (3), Edmund (3), Milhouse Van Houten (2), Homer Simpson (1), Bart Simpson (1), Professor Frink (1)
It's just a game. We're not really hurting anybody. [accidentally hits Milhouse in the eye with controller]
My non-lazy eye!
[Marge accidentally hits Milhouse in the eye with her elbow]
My other eye!
[After taking Lisa to the forest and carrying her up a tree, Edmund reveals his fangs]
[gasps] You're a vampire! I should be scared, but I'm not.
Let us move between the trees the way a bat does... by jumping!
Edmund's almost here! So please, nobody be themselves.
I know, I know. Don't serve garlic, don't stab your guest in the heart with a wooden stake, don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein. It's racist somehow.
[to Lisa] Sorry, my dad insisted on coming. [a bat appears and turns into Dracula] [clearly aggravated] Dad! I don't need a chaperone! I'm 400 years old!
DDracula
You live in my crypt, you play by my rules!
You're tearing me apart!
DDracula
Look, I'm more than just a vampire. I'm a nut for Dixieland jazz. [plays jazz trumpet]
[rolls his eyes and groans] You said you weren't gonna bring that!
DDracula
I said I might not. [continues to play]
[whispers to Lisa] They say vampires live forever, but I die of embarrassment every day.
I know just how you feel.
[Cut to Homer dancing with Santa's Little Helper]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.