TV show quotes
Go ahead, Maggie. You're allowed to touch the deadly weapons.
[Maggie picks up a pen-knife]
Ooh! It's a mugger! I'll hand over all my hugs and kisses--
[Maggie holds up the knife and points it at Marge, with an angry expression]
OK, be cool. I've got some candy in my purse...
Daddy, was mommy a monkey? I can't remember.
[yelling] No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that!
But you said a stork brought me.
Uh, that was God disguised as a stork.
Who brings baby storks?
There's no such thing as storks, it's all God!
[praying in front of a statue of a stork] Please bless daddy and mommy...
Stop praying to that stork!
We've been through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together!
Isn't it weird that our parents are giving marital advice? They're always fighting. If you listen closely, you can hear them arguing right now. [she and Bart then listen closely]
[in distance] And I say, a monkey can mow our lawn!
Watching Tabitha Vixx pole-dancing on stage during a concert
[dreamily] Wow. I've got this sudden urge to give her a five-dollar bill...
That's it, we're leaving!
And he sends one into the slug-o-sphere. It's going...going...
[the ball flies into the Duff blimp, which then starts deflating]
[Homer jumps from the blimp, then lands next to Sideshow Mel]
My sister's friend!
[Homer runs from the blimp just as it runs out of helium]
Tabitha! Tabitha! Oh, this is the worst blimp crash ever.
[after Bart teases her in his spot] Otto, Bart Won't Get Me a Seat!
[a large black SUV pulls up outside the school, Fat Tony opens the door]
[in a murderous voice] We are going for a ride...
[the children gasp]
... [normally] by which I mean the car pool, perhaps we will get yogurt....
[the children sigh with relief]
...[back to murderous] Now, who wants to sleep with the fishes?...
[the children gasp again]
...[back to normal] 'cause I just bought this Finding Nemo bedspread!
[the children sigh with relief again]
[in Fat Tony's home]
Welcome to my home.
[gasps] Must have cost a fortune!
Actually, you can really keep costs down when you don't pay for materials, or labor, or permits or... land.
Wow, your paintings have brush marks. And your statues have wieners.
Your words honor my family.
Ow, my schnoz! My punim! My pupik! My genechtagazoink!
Your dad's a mob boss? [Laughs nervously] Please don't have me whacked! I was just kiddin' around! We were all havin' fun. Wasn't it fun? [Laughs nervously] Oh, fun is so fun. [Laughs nervously] There is no Mafia! [pulls his own shirt over his face.] Columbus Day is better than Christmas!
Boy, get dressed! You’re going to a jazz brunch as a punishment for all the racket you’re making.
I thought you wanted me to drum?
Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! [slams door, then opens it again] I love you so much. [Hostile] Damn you! [Shakes fist]
Hey hey! We got more jazz superstars on the way, folks! Gooey Martin, Willie Mims, Dropjaws Turner, Sketch Friendly, Tootsie Childs, Sammy Biltmore, No-Talent Jones, Anwar Bernitez, Bossy Marmalade, Bad-Check Mazursky, Ray-Ray Takamura, Shakey Premise, Boopsie Crouton, Richard Sakai, The Premarital Sextet, C.S.I. Miami, D.W. Jitters, The Chubb Group, Canteloupe St. Pierre and many many more funny names.
[to animals] No one knows you're here, so be quiet!
Well, if you're through, let's check out that discount book warehouse.
But we already own a book!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
