Mom, Dad, I'd give a kajillion dollars for you two to get back together.
Make it 2 kajillion.
Homer!
We'll lose the first kajillion to taxes.
S17Milhouse of Sand and Fog
Does this mean you and Dad might get a D-A-V-U-R-S?
S17Treehouse of Horror XVI
AAnnouncer
We're here at game six of the World Series. The highlights so far: a cloud shaped like a giraffe that floated by during the rain delay. Oh, would you look at that? The Batter just called 'time out' again. Now, let's look in the stands at the players' wives. Well, what do you know? They're talking on cellphones. No doubt complaining about the good life.
This is the most boring game in all the universe!
And with all the steroids they take, the players look like freaks!
BBoth
Freaks! Freaks!
MKMini Kodos
[emerges from the left side of Kodos] Freaks! Freaks! Freaks! [Kodos bites his conjoined baby and eats it]
AAnnouncer
And next week on FOX, catch the new O.C. spin-off, Pomona. It's even hotter away from the beach. Mm-mmm.
If we don't speed up this game, the Simpsons Halloween Special won't air until Administrative Professionals' Day!
Speaking of which, we must remember to get Dorothy something. [He holds a picture of them with Dorothy, with both making love sounds. Kang then looks at a baseball player who blows bubble gum very slowly.]
The boredom is excruciating! Fire the Accele-Ray!
I'm afraid that your son is in a deep coma, and may never wake up.
Well, at least he's not dead.
I should say so. This way, I can keep billing you!
[angry, finding out the robot boy is living with them] Did you replace me with this tinker toy?
[After getting shot in manhunt, Apu is reincarnated into a rabbit]
AApu
Ha, ha! You can't kill a Hindu!
[Hops away, and then gets his tail caught in a bear trap.]
AApu
AGH! Help me, Jesus!
S17Marge's Son Poisoning
[to Bart] The last thing I want is for you to turn into that! [Points to Principal Skinner]
[Looks behind him] What? The wall?
[Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney stand outside the Simpsons' house and sing My Sharona]
JDJimbo/Dolph/Kearney
[singing] Ooh, my little pretty one, my pretty one. When you gonna give me some time, Sharona. Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run. Got it comin' off of the line, Sharona. Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind. I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind. My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
[A trophy is thrown through the window at the bullies.]
[offscreen] That song is a pop music footnote. [pause] I didn't say stop.
JDJimbo/Dolph/Kearney
[singing] M-m-m-my Sharona!
S17See Homer Run
Who the hell are you?
QSQuimby's Nephew
Your press secretary.
I knew I should have hired my nephew!
QSQuimby's Nephew
I am your nephew.
Okay, so I stink! Tough Toblerone! Read the charter people! I can't be removed from office... except by a simple recall election... please disregard that last part!
I will run for mayor!
And I'll be your campaign manager!
And I'll find out what a Mayor does! [Gets some Beer] Expand my brain, learning juice!
Marge, without this outfit I'm just Homer Simpson, multiple felon. With it I'm a costumed hero like George Washington, or Dame Edna!
S17The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
AAnnouncer
And now, we return to the Vic Tayback Hotel & Casino in Downtown Las Vegas for Has-Been Celebrity Poker.
HHost
As always, all our celebrities are playing for charity.
What?! I am so out of here!
My husband has forgot our last three anniversaries, he made a badminton net out of my wedding dress, which he never uses, and last week, he called out his bowling ball's name during sex!!!
Wait a minute, if she's going bird watching then why did she leave her Peterson's Guide to Bird Watching? [Looks inside] [gasps] Road Runners are real?
Sometimes it's easier to be cruel than to say what we really feel
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.