I don't think my daughter should be hearing this.
S13Blame it on Lisa
DIDance Instructor
You cannot protect her forever! You stupid lady!
S13Weekend at Burnsie's
Homer, I'm not sure I'm comfortable sleeping with a group of crows in the bedroom in the night.
It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder.
I'm going to go sleep on the couch tonight.
What is that billowing down the stairs? [Gasps] It's smoke!
[Sniffs] It smells like the art teacher's office.
Smithers, you could learn a thing or two from this braying moron. (to Homer) Young man, I'm making you my executive vice president.
Uh, sir, I believe that position was informally promised to me.
Oh, Smithers. I would have said anything to get your stem cells.
Where did you get that suit?
Woah, woah, one question at a time. [Points to Marge] Yes, you?
Homer, I am getting really worried you are going overboard with this. We are out of clothespins, there are half-eaten cupcakes all around the house, and the curtains smell like doob.
Well I got news for you: I just got promoted and it's all thanks to yes-I-cannabis! (Homer walks away) We have a kitchen?
S13Gump Roast
Now let's welcome Springfield's original God couple, Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders.
Thank you so much.
(singing) The Camptown Ladies sing this song
BBoth
Do-dah, do-dah
(singing) Homer Simpson's breath is strong, oh the do-dah--
Hey, hey, now hold on there. The nice people wanna hear the real words.
But Ned, I was singing the real words.
Oh, lets just take it from the top. (sings) The Camptown Ladies sing this song
BBoth
Do-dah do-dah
The Camptown racetrack's five miles long
Thats better.
Homer's breath smells bad
Oh, those are not the words!
ETEnd Titles Singer
Ullman shorts, Christmas show, Marge's fling, Homer's bro
Bart in well, Flanders fails, whacking snakes, monorail
Mr. Plow, Homer space, Sideshow Bob steps on rakes
Lisa's future, Selma's hubby, Marge not proud, Homer chubby
Homer worries Bart is gay, Poochie, U2, NRA
Hippies, Vegas, and Japan, octuplets, Bart's boy band
Marge murmurs, Maude croaks, Lisa Buddhist, Homer tokes
Maggie blows Burns away, what else do I have to say?
They'll never stop the Simpsons
Have no fears, we've got stories for years
Like, Marge becomes a robot
Maybe Moe gets a cell phone
Has Bart ever owned a bear?
Or how 'bout a crazy wedding?
Where something happens, and do-do-do-do-do
Sorry for the clip show
Have no fears, we've got stories for years
S13I am Furious (Yellow)
GSGroundskeeper Seamus
This be your doing Willie, I'll turn your groin to puddin'
Ach, you speak like a poet, but you punch like one too!
RRadio
Don't you hate carpet stores that charge extra for the under padding?
I hate them so MUCH!
Greetings, true believers! [upon entering the store, promptly places an X-Men comic over a Superman one]
Ooh, my heart's pounding like Thor's hammer on Doctor Doom's titanium-infused faceplate!
Hey, aren't you the guy who was stalking Lynda Carter?
The term is "courting". Restraining order says no-no, but her eyes say yes-yes. [strokes a Wonder Woman action figure]
Let's see what you've got, son. [takes Bart's strip to read] My Spidey-Sense is tingling!
It's that good?
Oh, did I say "Spidey"? I meant "Stinky"! 'Nuff said.
[dejected] What did I do wrong?
Oh, I don't know; try everything!
Now hold on, Comic Book Guy. This boy is still finding his voice!
So you're saying I should keep trying?
Absolutely! If you fail, you can always open a comic book store!
Stan Lee insulted me! But in Bizarro World, that means he likes me!
[At Krustylu Studios, Krusty is watching Angry Dad struggle with the ketchup to put on his chips. Looking inside the bottle, it pours its contents on him and pushes him across the room.]
[ironically] Whoa that's funny. There's only one way my show can compete with this.
[pushes the button on the intercom]
Book that animal that always chomps on my groin.
SSecretary
Susan Anton?
No, the lemur.
[Angry Dad comes home from work.]
ADAngry Dad
Oh what a day. Maybe the headlines will cheer me up.
[Headline caption: You Suck, Angry Dad!]
ADAngry Dad
[growls in anger] That's opinion, not news!
[Angry Dad's head swells, then his eyes pop.]
[Comic Bart spray paints a logo on Angry Dad's back.]
CBComic Bart
This has been a Bartoon presentation, in association with Ay Carumba Entertainment.
[Angry Dad turns around and growls. Infuriated by Bart for making him a worldwide laughingstock in the web and in Springfield, Homer rushes home to strangle him.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.