Don't give in to them! They're trying to make a joke of everything! That's what they do!
How do the elites control Mr. Service's balls?
You still don't get it, do you?! They don't just drink adrenochrome, they run the show! The whole damn show! [a cursor appears suddenly, messing with his appearance] It comes down to two people -- Oh, you don't like that, do you?! That's getting a little close to home, huh?! You can't control me anymore, you sons of bitches! [cursor continues to alter him in various ways] They're making fun of me to try and discredit my beliefs! [Is transformed into an obese woman wearing a dress, then a large penis] Oh, you don't like that, do you!? Don't want the world to know that!
Listen! Listen, whoever you are! I don't give a shit what you do!
What?! What are you saying?!
Please! I just want my old life back!
[turned into a pig] No, stop! They're monsters!
I don't care what you do to kids, I just want people to like me again!
You son of a bitch! Aah! [runs towards Garrison]
AAH! Mr. Service! [show freezes; whole frame turns, revealing multiple layers of animation; walking back and forth] Ah, oh, okay, what the hell is this? Hey, come back! [frame turns back to normal, albeit mirrored] How would you like to make a deal?
[The cursor shrinks down Mr. Service, transforming him into Mr. Hat]
Hey! Hold on a second, everybody! [grunting as he drags Bob White behind him, who is been turned into a giant penis] I think I can help things out here!
QMQanon Member
It's him! It's the chosen one!
QMQanon Member #2
He's come to save us all like the prophecy foretold on the internet!
Wait, he's the chosen one?
Listen! Listen, everybody. I -- I think I owe you all a big apology. I came in here expecting everything to just go back to normal, but... we've all been through the proverbial butthole of hardships lately. I thought we could all just magically be friends again. But relationships are very fragile things. And in times of crises when we need each other most, it's sometimes when we grow furthest apart. But through it all, Mr. White here has taught me a very important lesson. Make sure you're on the side of the people with the most power. And so, I've worked out a deal with some pretty powerful people... [looks up at the sky] Alright, boys, do your thing! [Low bass tone sounds, and as fireworks explode in the air, an Air Israel plane appear] It's Air Israel with enough vaccines for every adult in town!
[The crowd cheers and runs towards the plane and an Israel man tosses out boxes full of vaccines, and everyone injects themselves]
[injecting himself] Hey, Garrison, good job!
[as Linda injects him] Yeah, you're alright, Garrison!
[laughs] Oh, jeez. Thanks, everybody.
[The boys run inside the school with the vaccines where all the teachers are waiting]
Of course we made it. [motions to Stan and Kyle] 'Cause our broship can survive anything.
We got your vaccination for you, Ms. Nelson.
Boys... you really did it. I... I can't believe it. For a while there, I thought I... [she breaks into a coughing fit] Excuse me. I thought I wasn't gonna... [coughs again] ...gosh, excuse me. [she continues coughing and gasping, and later, she dies from COVID, since the boys were too late]
[Cut to her funeral; her body is in a casket]
FMFr. Maxi
As a teacher, Ms. Nelson did everything she could for her students. So it seems even more unfair that she…was just a few days late getting the vaccine before she died of COVID. And now as Mr. Garrison takes over teaching for Ms. Nelson permanently… I think we should all take a moment to say… Hey! The rest of us made it, South Park! We're on the other side of this damn thing! [all the adults cheer] And so it's time for adults to screw these masks and party like it's 2021!
Guys... I wanna have kind of a tough talk with you. We don't really have any black friends, we don't reach out to the black community. Shelley, you never bring any black dudes over. I mean, Stan, your three best friends are all white.
There's only one black kid in my whole class.
Yes, that kid, Token. How come you never hang out with him?
In a group, maybe, but I don't recall just you and Token ever doing anything. I've never seen Token here at the farm, just like, the two of you guys. Why not?
Randy, stop, we're not racists.
We'd like to think that, wouldn't we? But... actions speak louder than words, gang. I guess... I guess I just want you to think about it.
[approaching Tolkien, while playing football with Butters] Uh, hey, Token.
Uh, listen, I uh… How you doin'?
Um… You think your family would wanna come over for dinner? Out at our farm?
It's kinda far, isn't it?
Yeah, but… Look, Token, I think maybe you and I should hang out more.
What are you talking about?
I mean, we never just hang out, you and me.
Hey, we never hang out just you and me either, Stan!
Shut up, Butters! Look, just will you please just see if your family will come over for dinner? It would mean a lot.
[Nighttime at Tegridy Farms; The Black family are sitting at the table with the Marshes as Randy sets up dinner]
Ok, there we go. This is a farm fresh hemp salad sourced locally here at Tegridy! All right, come on everybody, dig in.
[pleased] Thank you so much for having us over. This is really nice.
We've never been to a marijuana farm before.
Well, you know, with our boys starting to become so close, we thought we better get the families together! If they're friends, then we need to be friends! [pulls out his phone] Do you mind if I post this? Check out our friends!
Randy… I hope you didn't invite us here because we're black.
W-what are you talking about?
It's just that the past year or so a lot of people have been inviting us over to dinner and then taking pictures of us to show everyone on Instagram.
Oh, that's so lame. No, we really just wanted to get to know you guys better since Stan is friends with Token. You know… just out of curiosity– why did you guys name him that?
Well– I mean, it's just kind of an odd name, isn't it? Like, some people might think you guys naming your son that isn't very cool.
People have a problem with Tolkien's name?
Well, I mean other people just think it's a little… I mean, come on, I mean, I'm– I'm not calling you guys racist, but– why did you name your son that?
My husband has always been a huge fan of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.
I wanted to name my son after my favorite author. But she didn't want to name our son J.R.R., so we just named him Tolkien.
[shocked] His name is Tolkien?
Yes, you know his name is Tolkien.
[to Tolkien] I thought your name was "Token".
Sorry, I don't think it's that weird. J.R.R. Tolkien is one of the most prolific, influential writers of our time.
Holy shit, that's what his name means?
What did you think his name meant?
Would you like to see how we grow and process our weed?
[answers his phone while playing computer games on his computer] Hey, Stan.
Dude… my head is reeling, you're not gonna believe this.
Token's name isn't Token. It's Tolkien.
Yeah, I know it's Tolkien.
No, no, no, no. He's named after the guy who wrote The Hobbit and stuff!
Yeah, I know. J.R.R. Tolkien. What did you think it was?
[horrified] You knew it was Tolkien like the writer.
Everyone knew it was Tolkien.
No, no, no! No, no, no, no! I distinctly remember Cartman wearing a shirt where he spelled it T-O-K-E-N.
Yeah, dude, 'cause Cartman's a fucking moron.
Wha-- hold on a second! [calls Cartman's number]
[answers his phone while eating chips and watching TV] What's up, dawg?
Dude, Cartman, did you know that Tolkien is named after J.R.R. Tolkien?
Well, yeah, I just figured.
Then why did you spell it "Token" without the "L" or the "I"?!
J.R.R. Tolkien has an "L" in it? That's gay. Who did you think Tolkien was named after?
[from outside the bathroom] Stan? You out here?
Uh, yeah, hang on a second Tolk-kien, just taking a shit.
[angrily knocks on the door and Randy answers] What the hell are you doing?
Taking shit tons of Tegridy orders. Sales are going nuts right now.
No, why is my face on a billboard?!
Because we work together?
You said you just needed someone to help with accounting!
Yes, but then, you got promoted! I was gonna surprise you. Don't you see how lucrative this can be? I mean, we make a pretty damn good team in the weed business. I mean, we are Ben and Jerry– We're Ben and Jerry. You're Jerry, and I'm Ben.
I told you before that I'm not interested in the marijuana business. I don't believe in drinking or doing drugs.
Doing dru… Do you remember when Bilbo first set out with the dwarves to fight Smaug? What's the first thing they all did? They partied their asses off. [sings] ♫ Chip the glasses, click the plates / That's what Bilbo Baggins hates ♫ And then they certainly had an adventure together, didn't they? Filled with… [pulls out a wad of cash and puts it in Steve's pocket] Lucrative treasure.
You really think we could make a lot of money together?
Ben and Jerry, my man. Ben and fucking Jerry.
They stole it! They stole my idea!
Those dickheads across the street! They took everything I learned about using black culture to make a bigger profit and they're doing it themselves! Get this little prick outta my house! [drags Tolkien outside]
Get him outta here, he's a spy! Hey, fuck face! I don't want your kid over at my house, you got that?!
Hey, man, what's your problem?
You want a war?! Well, you got one! Game on, asshole!
Everyone back in the house. Come on, let's go.
The story of young Stan Marsh might seem incredible, but the fact is many people suffer from unconscious biases. If you or someone you know might have also thought the name Tolkien didn't come from J.R.R. Tolkien, then please call… 1-800-I AM A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT. Because you are the fucking problem.
Ahg! Help! Somebody call Child Protective Services!
Eric, you're only making it worse!
I am not doing a co-brokering deal, Mom, it's not gonna happen!
This isn't about that, Eric, and you know it! You're upset. You're upset because you don't want your mom to have a job!
It is true! You're scared and you're jealous that a job will take my attention away from you!
You just want to offer the sellers a lower commission to list this house and it's not going to work, Mom!
It's okay to be scared, Eric! I know that I'm the only family you have, but you're making everything worse for us!
[to Linda] We should just pull Butters out of dressage. He sucks at this.
Oh, we can't pull him out. He loves it.
Don't you understand, Linda? I'm scared. The big competition is this weekend. Butters will be going up against the Russians.
[looking worried] Oh, look, here comes the Russian now!
[Dan Solokov's son appears on the field, riding his Russian Etruscan pony]
[Linda holds up a poster of Vladimir Putin's face crossed out]
MMan
Hey, what are you (two) booing at a little kid for?
Don't you know who that is?! That's Dan Solokov's kid! Dan Solokov? Who works at the Ace Hardware over in Meeker! Even the kid's pony is a Russian Etruscan! [turns to Solokov's son] You piece of shit communist! You won't take our freedoms away! Boo, Russia!
