Kyle Broflovski quotes from South Park

Kyle

Oh my God! I killed Kenny! [to himself] YOU BASTARD!

Kyle

So Jesus died and then three days later he had an erection.

Kyle

[to God] Why? How could you do this? There are people starving in Alabama! And you give Cartman a million dollars?!

Kyle

But what about Cartman?! He rips on ME for being Jewish! He's gonna tear this kid apart!

Kyle

[after seeing commercial for IT] That looks pretty gay.

Kyle

This is terrible, dude. Maury Povich parades these poor people around on his show like carnival freaks and then gives them prizes at the end as if to justify it. What a dick!

Kyle

Cartman, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said, this week.

Kyle

I feel way better about being a Jew now that I know Mel Gibson is just a big wacko douche.

Kyle

Don't worry Kenny. You didn't die for nothing. We're gonna get Wing back as our client. And make a ton of money. I swear it to you.

Kyle

Ike, you need to have a life, have fun! THEN ruin it by having a serious relationship!

Kyle

[talks between gritted teeth calmly, but still utterly furious with Cartman after he infected him with HIV] I'm going to break everything that you own.

Kyle

Listen, this is all you need to know: the economy is not a supernatural all-knowing entity. The economy is just an idea, made up by people, thousands of years ago. The economy is not real. And yet, it is real. Nowadays they'll give credit to practically anyone who applies for them. [pulls out an envelope] I applied for this yesterday to prove a point. It is an American Express Platinum card. [from Kyle's position, one can see hundreds of people listening to him] It has no spending limit. [cries of shock rise from the crowd] Do not be afraid! This is only plastic. It's just something made up by people. Truly meaningless until we put our faith in it. Faith is what makes an economy exist. Without faith, it is only plastic cards and paper money.

Kyle

[reading Ike's letter] "Dear Mommy and Daddy, I am running away. I am sorry, but I can no longer handle the monotony of middle-class life. Everyone at school is a real idiot, and if one more person talked to me about that Susan Boyle performance of Les Misérables, I was going to put out through my mouth. I love you all, but I have to move on. I'm going to Somalia to be--to be a pirate"? Oh, shoot!

Kyle

ENOUGH! STOP! EVERYONE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so wrong! I can't let it continue! This is not ever what I intended! Thank you. I just want to say... Caitlyn Jenner is a hero. There is no other way to say it. What she did took bravery, and she is absolutely stunning.