Jeez, you're a little irritable, Kyle. What's the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?
S5 E1It Hits the Fan
Don't mind Kyle, everyone, he's just got a little sand in his vagina.
There's no sand in my vagina!
Hey there, shitty-shitty fag-fag, shitty-shitty fag-fag, how do you do?
I said "shit" on television.
But they're gonna say "shit" and you're gonna miss it.
I don't really give a fuck.
Well, they can't say fag, you have to be a homosexual to say that.
You mean I can't say f[beep]?
No, see, you got beeped.
GGuy
You mean you have to be a f[beep] to say f[beep]?
Yep.
Well that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag." [he looks shocked as he realizes he didn't get censored]
Hey...you didn't get beeped.
Uh-oh.
Well, I guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freaking fag. You want to go make out or something?
[the boys are in the library searching for the cause of people's serious illness]
[urgently] You guys! Look here! [the group rushes over] In this Nancy Drew mystery, Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe! That COULD explain how Kyle got it in his vagina!
Cartman, this is serious!
So am I, Kyle-- if that sand in your vagina doesn't get released, you could become a walking time bomb.
S5 E2Cripple Fight
Cripple fight!
You do not say "big silly goose," you call him an asshole like a normal kid!
But Dad, I was just trying to-
Stanley, you call your friend an asshole this instant!
[to Cartman] Asshole.
That's better.
Don't call me an asshole, you big son of a bitch!
Sometimes it's like, "Please Timmy, learn a new word," huh, huh. [imitates Timmy] "Timmy!"
[angry] Aah!
[continues impression] I'm living a lie, I'm living a lie, Timmy!
Kenny's dad and I were in Scouts for years.
Was your dad in Scouts, Cartman? Oh yeah, you don't have a dad. [everyone laughs]
That's not funny! Jesus Christ!
Timmy!
Not this year!
Timmy? Timmy, I told you to put on the hat! [punches him in the stomach]
You dirty motherfucker!
S5 E3Super Best Friends
I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.
MWMagic Workshop Leader
...Right, yeah. Eh, see, the reason that you are unhandy.
[coldly] And then I always get woken up in the morning by the sounds of my own screams. Do you think I'm unhappy?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.