Eric Cartman quotes from South Park

Cartman

Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature! [Cartman simultaneously farts fire and a satellite dish comes out of his bottom]

Cartman

The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.

Cartman

My mom says there are lots of black people in China.

Cartman

I love you guys. [Stan and Kyle stare at him] Ah, screw you guys..!

Cartman

No, dude, independent films are those black-and-white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.

Cartman

I've learned something too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don't have to hang out with a bunch of poor ass losers like you guys. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

[singing] You guys are my best friends

Cartman

[lodged in a cow's anus] Aw, it smells like Kenny's house in here!

Cartman

[on the cross] You guys are in big trouble, now get me down from nyah!

Cartman

[to Stan and Kyle] When I get down from here, I'm going to kick you both right in the nuts!

Cartman

Hey guys, check out this song I made up, it's called "I hate you guys." [singing] I hate you guys! You guys are assholes! Especially Kenny! I hate him the most!

Cartman

They mostly come out at night...mostly.

Cartman

We could shove a stick up her ass and use her like a puppet: "Rowr, rowr, I'm Scary Grandma!"

Cartman

[weighing his options] Hmm. Work for you. Have my penis cut off. Work for you. Have my penis cut off. Hmm, let's see.

Cartman

Do not wake up 'til morning or I will kick you in the nuts. Ooh, in the nuts.