South Park · Season 2
Since the last South Park, you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartman's lineage… will not be seen Tonight, so that we can bring you the following special presentation.
[Terrance farts]
Terrance, you farted in court.
Yes Phillip, I'm making a case for our defense.
Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God! J'accuse, Terrance!
Would you like a 'Monkey Claw', Phillip?
Yes please. [Terrance farts]
That's called the 'Monkey Claw', because it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.
The 'Monkey Claw' is smelly.
I hate you, and I wish you both had cancer!
Cancer?
Yes, in the head!
Head cancer?
This is not the end, Terrance and Phillip! You'll rue this day!
Scott really hates us, Phillip.
Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.
...But we're not gay, Phillip.
We're not?
I hate you more than ever, Terrance and Phillip! I absolutely abhor you both! [starts waving his arms in front of them; pause]
What are you doing, Scott?
I'm wishing cancer upon you!
Cancer?!
That's right! I'm trying to give you cancer with my mind!
[hides behind Phillip] Ugh! Stop that!
Hey, Don't give me cancer!
What are you idiots doing?
We're looking for treasure.
Is that some kind of metaphor for a kind of search that can't be described?
No, we're searching for treasure.
[Kenny appears out of nowhere]
[blankly, as though Kenny hadn't appeared out of thin air] Oh, hey, Kenny.
Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcement officer in this town. What would he do?
When was the fetus conceived?
Eight years ago.
So that would make the fetus-
Eight years old.
That places you in what we call 'the 40th Trimester'.
Well, this is about all I can do for him.
Can't you get him to talk? I have to know who my father is.
Sorry, son, it might be a while.
[bounds atop Mephesto and begins slapping him around] Wake up, you son of a bitch!
Whoa!
Team A will consist of myself, Eric, Stan, Kyle and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny.
Can't go on... So hungry...
We're all going to die in this horrible place.
We have to have the energy to make it through the night. We have to eat.
How can we? How could we live with ourselves?
There's only one answer: Eat Eric Roberts.
Yes, of course! Nobody gives a shit about Eric Roberts.
Eat Eric Roberts!
[they all together walk towards Eric Roberts]
No! No, please!
[cut to commercial...]
[Eric Robert's mutilated corpse is visible. The other characters in the studio are feasting on his remains.]
Well, there's no going back now. We're cannibals! God save us...
God wants you to live, Mayor. Fight!
We'll give it until another hour, then... we might have to eat again.
What?! Christ, are you people diabetic or something?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
