Mr. Garrison quotes from South Park

Gay people? Gay people are evil, right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?

Now, wait a minute. I wanna clear the air here. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon? [everybody around him raises his or her hand] Oh, whatever!

Great party, Mr. Mackey. Mr. Hat just grabbed Principal Victoria's ass.

[writing] Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about. [aside to Mr. Hat] Oh, yeah, Mr. Hat! Hot lesbo scene coming up! And as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused. "Go on," Rebecca said softly. "Touch me." Diana leaned down slowly, and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips. It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around, and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves, tall and mighty, all around her, wi- [Mr. Hat slowly slides under the desk] Mr. Hat, what the heck are you doing? ...oh, Mr. Hat!

All right, children. As you know, we've been waiting for the absent kid's ballot to come in. Well, his mother was nice enough to bring him in from the hospital so that he could cast his vote. Mrs. Harris?

Thank you very much, Billy. Don't forget to pick up your lung.

Hey there, shitty-shitty fag-fag, shitty-shitty fag-fag, how do you do?

Shutting me down why?

Yeah, well that was the point, dingleberry! Ah-t put that down!

THE AIRLINE COMPANIES ARE LOSING MONEY BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE AND THEIR OWN INEFFICIENCY!!

HWAAAAHHH! Airline motherfuckerrrs! You pieces of shiiit! Cocksucking sons of bitch airlines!

Well, yeah, but at least I got rid of those damn ni- [episode ends]

And so, we will all miss you, Kenny, your playful laughter, your innocent smile.

[nonchalantly] A ladder to heaven? That's fuckin' stupid.

Wow, it seems like I don't have a class full of retards anymore, doesn't it, children?

[after Mr. Slave shoves Paris Hilton up his anus] Now that's a whore!