“Back to the Cold War” quotes from South Park

South Park: Back to the Cold War. Starring: Butters… Stephen and Linda Stotch… Melancholy the horse… and the comedy of Vladimir Putin.

[to Linda] We should just pull Butters out of dressage. He sucks at this.

Oh, we can't pull him out. He loves it.

Don't you understand, Linda? I'm scared. The big competition is this weekend. Butters will be going up against the Russians.

[looking worried] Oh, look, here comes the Russian now!

BOO!

Boo, Russia! Boo!

Hey, what are you (two) booing at a little kid for?

Don't you know who that is?! That's Dan Solokov's kid! Dan Solokov? Who works at the Ace Hardware over in Meeker! Even the kid's pony is a Russian Etruscan! [turns to Solokov's son] You piece of shit communist! You won't take our freedoms away! Boo, Russia!

[as Melancholy stops and shits on the ground] Butters! Butters, what the hell are you doing?!

Butters

Well, I don't know!

You have to learn to control!

Butters

[clicks tongue] Come on, Melancholy, come on!

[disgusted] Ewww!

Butters, what the hell is that?!

Butters

What is what? [looks down at the boner; disgusted] Oh, geez! Put that thing away, Melancholy!

[pointing a gun in the back of Mr. Mackey's head] What are you doing here?

Don't shoot. I-I'm just the school counselor. [turns around] Mr. Stotch?

Mr. Mackey? What the hell are you doing here?!

What the hell are you doing here?

I'll ask the questions, I've got the gun!

[arrives at his old childhood home and knocks on the door before his mother answers] Hi, Mom.

[joyfully] Well, hi, junior! What a surprise, m'kay!

Mom, I need to use something in my old room.

Well, sure, come on in! [they walk up to Mr. Mackey's old bedroom] Everything is still just as you left it, son.

Mom, I think World War 3 is about to start. I'm gonna do what I can to protect our country!

Oh, uh, m'kay, honey, I'll make you a snack.

[enters Mr. Mackey's room, holding a tray] Here's your Sunny Delight and Steak-umms, honey.

[indignantly] Get outta my room, Mom, God! Get outta my room!

[worried] Sweetheart... are you m'kay?"

[stops and thinks] Of course I'm not m'kay... you wouldn't understand cause you're a grown-up!

Honey... as your mother, I want you to know you can talk to me about whatever you want. Even if it's about being scared of getting old.

[realizes what she's saying, stops what he's doing, turns around to face her, sighs heavily] Things used to be so much simpler, mama. There was a good guy and a-and a bad guy And we all... sort of came together and loved our country... not like it is now.

[grabs a stool and brings it closer to him to sit down] Ooh, junior. I know gettin' old isn't so much fun, is it? We all wanna go back to a time when we were younger. You're getting to be around 55. Your pee-pee doesn't work so good, does it?

How'd you know about that, mom?

We'll I'm your mom, honey. When a man gets to a point where his pee-pee doesn't work the way it used to, he starts to...well, sit in his room and play war games again, you know? But honey, those times weren't better. We were all scared. People died. That's not something to strive to get back to.

You're right, mama. I've been bad.

Oh, you're not bad-

No, I'm bad-

No, no, sweetheart It-it just felt good cause it was familiar. That's just sort of what us old people do.