Parents? Parents? [begins a fake sob] OH GOD! [sobs loudly and turns away]
S8 E1Good Times with Weapons
You see, guys? This is why Jews can't be ninjas. They've got no spine.
You don't know anything about Jews, fat boy!
[After Stan's attempt to remove the ninja star]
Stop, dude! You're going to scramble his brain!
Go ahead and scramble it, then he won't remember it was us.
[Butters changes into Professor Chaos]
Let's see how you like dealing with me, Ninjas! [laughs evilly]
[he stomps down the stairs while grunting and punches the wall, leaving a huge dent]
SMrs. Stotch
Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?
Yeah, Mom. I'm just going outside for a little while.
SMrs. Stotch
Well could you be a sweetie and take that pie over there to the Thompsons? I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.
[normal voice] Oh, o-o-okay, Mom.
What-what's the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies?
We're twice the ninjas you fags are!
We were taking him to the vet until you fracked it all up! Butters!
Was he bleeding?
[uninterested] Yeah, a little. Butters!
Oh, shit. You guys are in trouble. We're out of here!
No, dude! You got to help us find him!
To hell with that!
We're in this together, Craig! If Butters tells on us, we're going to tell on you; that's the ninja code!
ASAnimal Shelter Worker
Here you go pup, I've got a sweet dose of murder for ya. [notices the open kennel] What the--? Blast it, he's escaped! [sighs, moves towards another dog] Oh, well, let's murder one of these other dogs.
CChef
Well, you children should be careful with those weapons, you could put somebody's eye out.
Yeah, we know.
Okay, hang on, guys, I'll use my special power to see into the future, and find out where we should head next.
Hold on you guys, I actually have another power. I can see into the future too, but even better. Let me try.
What? Cartman, you can't keep making up powers!
Yeah, dude, that's like the fifth power you've come up with. I mean, no one does that.
I am Bullrog, and I have lots and lots of powers.
No, dude! From now on you only get to have one power. So... what is it?
I have the power to have all the powers I want.
It doesn't work that way!
Agreed. Now you don't get to have any powers, unless you follow the rules.
Alright, dickhole, time for you to pay! [realizes his powers don't work] Oh, no, I have no powers! Kyle took them away from me! Quick, Kyle, give me back my powers so I can fight this evil villain!
Okay, okay, you can have your powers back!
Alright, now I use my powers to...turn Kyle into a chicken! Blam!
[is turned into a chicken] OH, COME ON!
[sing-song voice] Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh.
Enough! I grow weary of your foolishness. Professor Chaos cannot be stopped.
Oh, yeah? Kenny, use your ninja star!
[muffled] Yeah! Try this, Professor Chaos! (gets out a shuriken) Feel my wrath! [throws shuriken at Butters, hitting him in the eyeball...]
[Wailing cry]
Oh, shit, dude!
Butters! Oh, my God!
[Butters continues screaming]
Oh, dude, it's stuck in his eye!
What the hell did you do that for, Kenny?!
[muffled] I just threw my ninja star at him.
IT HURTS!! IT HURTS!!
S8 E2Up the Down Steroid
[Cartman's just revealed his plan to feign a disability to win the Special Olympics]
Thats really, really, terrible dude!
Terrible?! Whatever. You guys just don't have brains that can compute complex plans like mine!
JSJimmy's Father
I'll leave you two alone. And Jimmy, are you sure you weren't masturbating? Its okay if you were.
Dad! Jesus Christ!
[pretending he's disabled] Derrrr...derrrr...hey guys what's going on, derrrrrr?
[long pause]
Goddamn you.
[Jimmy and Timmy have just asked the boys to come cheer for them at the special Olympics; Cartman is reading a brochure Jimmy gave them]
Dude. I can't believe they exploit handicapped people like this. I mean, making them compete against each other just for our amusement.
...You're an asshole, Cartman.
[looking confused] What? What did I do?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.