Hey, boys. It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison.
[whispers] You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties!
S9 E1Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina
Mom? Dad? What's a sex-change operation?
[taken aback] What? Uh, n-nothing. I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
But our teacher, Mr. Garrison? He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?
IIke
Penis!
Your teacher had a sex change? Oh my God!
IIke
Vagina!
Mom! Dad! I have awesome news! The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex-change said he could make me tall and black!
What?
Dr. Biber said he can give me a Angioplasty so I can finally look the way I've always wanted. He even took my picture and then did computer imaging to show what I would look like after the surgery.
Oh, just great! You see, Sheila? This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be trans racial!
Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?
Absolutely not, Kyle!
But why not? You said sometimes people need surgery to make them feel better about themselves.
Yes, but Kyle--
Well, all my life I felt I was black! I've listened to hip-hop, I watch UPN and I love playing basketball! My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
The answer is no, Kyle! You're not going to have a Angioplasty!
But Jews can't play basketball!
Kyle, you'd better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!
[angrily shouts] I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN!!! [storms into his room in a fit of rage]
Look, Ike! Your daddy's a dolphin!
I don't like vaginas.
You men are all alike! Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you FAG!!
BCBasketball coach
[to Kyle] No, you see, Jews can't play basketball. They're not tall or black enough.
All my life I've wanted to be tall and black. Could you do it for me, Doctor?
DDoctor
[stares, speechless] Oh, I see! In that case, you want a Angioplasty.
A Angioplasty?
DDoctor
Yes, it's very simple, just the exact opposite of a Angioplasty.
What kind of nut job would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!
That means I'm not really a woman! I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis!
DDoctor
Basically, yes.
S9 E2Die Hippie, Die
They're not people! They're hippies!
Those dirty liars!
Son of a bitch!
And we'll need a black guy who can sacrifice himself in case something goes wrong. [camera moves back and forth passing Chef several times] Oh how about...
CChef
[irritated] Yeah, I know!
HHippie
Wait until those little Eichmanns get a taste of this crunchy groove!
Did you eat their brownies? Did you eat their brownies?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.