Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature! [Cartman simultaneously farts fire and a satellite dish comes out of his bottom]
Vi-visitors, this morning you took my brother, Ike. He's the little freckled kid that looks like a football. At first, I was happy you took him away. But I've learned something today. That having a little brother... i-is a pretty special thing.
Ah, heck, Mr. Visitors, I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world, but if you could find it in your hearts or whatever you have, to give my brother back to me, it sure would make my life brighter again.
[Absolutely livid] Hey, you scrawny-ass sh**heads, what the f**k is wrong with you?! You must be some kind of f***ing a**holes to be able to ignore a crying child!
Okay people, listen up. As we near the top of the mountain, the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great. Therefore, I have special ordered this training film to assist us in volcano safety. Mr. Garrison, if you would, please?
[Garrison turns on the movie projector to watch a 1952 training video called Lava and You.]
IInstructor
Harbingers of sorrow, natural disasters can be the cause of troubling and undesirable stress—and a volcano is no exception. But what should you do if a volcano erupts near you or your family? Here, we see the Stevens family enjoying on their picnic. But suddenly, daughter hears a noise: it's a volcano. Junior seems worried—but have no fear, Junior. Jane learned in school what to do when you hear a volcano erupt. [Jane uses a picnic blanket, covering her family] That's right, Jane—duck and cover. [lava passes through blanket, leaving family unharmed] So what will you do when you hear a volcano erupting? That's right, duck and cover. Looks like you got the idea. Duck and cover. Thank you and goodbye. [end of film]
Gay people? Gay people are evil, right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?
Well, Ned, we always kidnapped Middle Park's mascot. But this year we're going to booby-trap it instead. [puts bomb on Enrique's back] And when John Stamos's older brother hits that high F in "Loving You", boom![Enrique gets wide-eyed] No more Middle Park players.
[Enrique starts to tremble. Jimbo and Ned laugh victoriously]
If a woman did that to me, I'd be all like, "Hey, why don't you stop...dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you, while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!"
