EWElderly Woman
[double-flipping off the crowd while stepping into Walgreens] 79, bitches!
“South ParQ Vaccination Special” · Season 24, Episode 2
In this episode: Stan Marsh (3), Mr. Garrison (3), Eric Cartman (2), Kyle Broflovski (2), Stephen Stotch (2), Bob (2), Mr. Mackey (1), Gerald Broflovski (1)
[Mr. Garrison and Mr. Service show up at the White residence and hold the Whites hostage]
BBob
What's this all about? Did we do something wrong?
[turns around, facing the family] God damn right you did something wrong! Our public school system is dying and you tutors are trying to take advantage of it!
BBob
But we were just trying to be like you!
You'll never be like me! I've been a teacher for over 30 years! I'm just trying to get my old life back and assholes keep getting in my way!
BBob
But we have to tell children the truth! They have to know!
They have to know what?!
BBob
About-- about the whole thing! About the vaccinations! That the pandemic was blown out of proportion!
CCrystal
That Venezuelan socialists switched out circuit boards from voting machines in 12 states!
BBob
Good, sweetie! [looks back up at Mr. Garrison] Don't you understand everything is being manipulated!
[turns around] Everyone's being manipulated... So that's why everyone in town is being such an inconsiderate jerk about me coming back?
BBob
Yes. They don't want people to like you. They need people to hate you!
Who are they?
BBob
They're the elites. They do whatever they want and they feed on the pain and torture of children! And if anybody starts to care, they'll just cut us off when we tell the truth!
[after Cartman hangs up with Ms. Nelson] What was that? You know we can't get into the school!
She's not gonna come meet us, Kyle!
You didn't even try! He didn't try because he wants to sell the vaccines for money!
And what about you, Kyle? You were the one trying to take the vaccines for yourself this morning.
He what?
Wow. Okay, thought we had gotten past that, but...
Look, let's just face it, you guys. We don't trust each other and we don't like each other!
BBob
Don't give in to them! They're trying to make a joke of everything! That's what they do!
How do the elites control Mr. Service's balls?
BBob
You still don't get it, do you?! They don't just drink adrenochrome, they run the show! The whole damn show! [a cursor appears suddenly, messing with his appearance] It comes down to two people -- Oh, you don't like that, do you?! That's getting a little close to home, huh?! You can't control me anymore, you sons of bitches! [cursor continues to alter him in various ways] They're making fun of me to try and discredit my beliefs! [Is transformed into an obese woman wearing a dress, then a large penis] Oh, you don't like that, do you!? Don't want the world to know that!
Listen! Listen, whoever you are! I don't give a shit what you do!
BBob
What?! What are you saying?!
Please! I just want my old life back!
BBob
[turned into a pig] No, stop! They're monsters!
I don't care what you do to kids, I just want people to like me again!
BBob
You son of a bitch! Aah! [runs towards Garrison]
AAH! Mr. Service! [show freezes; whole frame turns, revealing multiple layers of animation; walking back and forth] Ah, oh, okay, what the hell is this? Hey, come back! [frame turns back to normal, albeit mirrored] How would you like to make a deal?
[The cursor shrinks down Mr. Service, transforming him into Mr. Hat]
Hey! Hold on a second, everybody! [grunting as he drags Bob White behind him, who is been turned into a giant penis] I think I can help things out here!
What the heck is that?
QMQanon Member
It's him! It's the chosen one!
QMQanon Member #2
He's come to save us all like the prophecy foretold on the internet!
Wait, he's the chosen one?
Listen! Listen, everybody. I -- I think I owe you all a big apology. I came in here expecting everything to just go back to normal, but... we've all been through the proverbial butthole of hardships lately. I thought we could all just magically be friends again. But relationships are very fragile things. And in times of crises when we need each other most, it's sometimes when we grow furthest apart. But through it all, Mr. White here has taught me a very important lesson. Make sure you're on the side of the people with the most power. And so, I've worked out a deal with some pretty powerful people... [looks up at the sky] Alright, boys, do your thing! [Low bass tone sounds, and as fireworks explode in the air, an Air Israel plane appear] It's Air Israel with enough vaccines for every adult in town!
[The crowd cheers and runs towards the plane and an Israel man tosses out boxes full of vaccines, and everyone injects themselves]
[injecting himself] Hey, Garrison, good job!
[as Linda injects him] Yeah, you're alright, Garrison!
[laughs] Oh, jeez. Thanks, everybody.
[The boys run inside the school with the vaccines where all the teachers are waiting]
Boys! Boys, you made it!
Of course we made it. [motions to Stan and Kyle] 'Cause our broship can survive anything.
Hello, Ms. Nelson.
We got your vaccination for you, Ms. Nelson.
Boys... you really did it. I... I can't believe it. For a while there, I thought I... [she breaks into a coughing fit] Excuse me. I thought I wasn't gonna... [coughs again] ...gosh, excuse me. [she continues coughing and gasping, and later, she dies from COVID, since the boys were too late]
[Cut to her funeral; her body is in a casket]
FMFr. Maxi
As a teacher, Ms. Nelson did everything she could for her students. So it seems even more unfair that she…was just a few days late getting the vaccine before she died of COVID. And now as Mr. Garrison takes over teaching for Ms. Nelson permanently… I think we should all take a moment to say… Hey! The rest of us made it, South Park! We're on the other side of this damn thing! [all the adults cheer] And so it's time for adults to screw these masks and party like it's 2021!
[dancing happily] Adults are all vaccinated! Adults are all vaccinated!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.