Futurama quotes

Leela

Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Fry

Well, let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

Bender

Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

Amy

Leela's gonna kill me.

Bender

No, she'll probably make me do it.

Bender

I'm going to go build my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the park!

Bender

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my OWN lunar lander... with blackjack, and hookers! In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.

Hi, I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.

Bender

Better mascots than you have tried. [takes a swig of booze and jams the bottle in Craterface's eye]

At least I have my self-respect. [laughs, then sobs quietly]

Farnsworth

My God! I've got to save them! Although I am already in my pajamas. [falls asleep]

Farnsworth

Now, Fry, before you go into space, you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little unusual. [whispering] He wears sandals. [The door opens. Dr. Zoidberg, who is indeed wearing sandals, turns his head. Fry shrieks.] Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.

Zoidberg

Excellent, excellent. [He bends over and retrieves a medical tool.]

Farnsworth

You'll be fine. [he leaves]

Zoidberg

Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.

Zoidberg

No, no, not that mouth.

Fry

I only have one.

Zoidberg

Really? [he pulls a reference card from his top pocket, then looks at it]

Fry

Uh... is there a human doctor around?

Zoidberg

[angrily] Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say [makes a bizarre gurgling noise]!

Fry

Uh... [clears throat, then very poorly imitates the noise Zoidberg had just made]

Zoidberg

[even more angrily] What?! My mother was a SAINT! GET OUT!!!

The story of lunar exploration started with one man - a man with a dream.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang, zoom, straight to the moon!

Leela

Wow! I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.

Fry

That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian! And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife

[Singing] We're whalers on the moon,

Fry

Uh, greetings Moon Man, we come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.

Sal

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

Fry

But, you are lazy right?

Sal

Oh, don't get me started!

Fry

Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. [puts one on Bender's head]

Bender

Get it off! Get it off! GET IT--uh, oh. [singing] How many roads must a man walk down before you...

Bender

Keep those things off me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

Fry

So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?

Bender

Yep. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folk singer...

Bender

You know, Fry, out of all the friends I've ever had... you're the first.

Fry

I don't get it. What's the catch?

Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey.

Fry

Not one place even remotely liveable.

Bender

[in his sleep] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all humans...

Fry

Bender, wake up!

Bender

Wh-uh? I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Fry

Where's the bathroom?

Bender

The bath what?

Fry

Bathroom.

Bender

The what room?

Fry

Bathroom!

Bender

The what what?

Fry

Never mind.

Bender

Hey, sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?

Farnsworth

[Talking on the phone] Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. How's his wife holding up? To shreds, You say.