Dwight Conrad quotes from Futurama

Bender

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery!

Fry

The address was to "Dogdoo 8", but the universe ends right after Dogdoo 7.

Hermes

[to Dwight] Child mon, is this true?

Yeah, but why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

Cubert

[points at Bender] Plus, they're making bootleg beer inside company property!

Bender

[nervously] Lies! Lies and slander! [belches foam]

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?! That's the last straw! You boys have been underfoot long enough!

Hermes

You jerked the words right outta my mouth! We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it!

Bender

[eagerly] Ooh-hoo! Here comes violence!

Hermes

[clears his throat] Get a job, you lazy kids!

Bender

[groans, then gets out a baseball bat] I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Can I use the gun?

Hermes

What kind of a father would I be if I said no?

Bender

We're making beer. I'm the brewery.

I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

Fry

No I'm ... doesn't.

Leela

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad ... for children. But once you turn 21 it becomes very, very good.

What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

Farnsworth

There is no target consumer! Only targets. Targets that will tremble in fear as their new master hands down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you?

Hermes

Company? [He laughs.] How cute! What will you be pedalling? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance?

Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital!

Cubert

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

Hermes

Welcome to the world of business.

Hermes

YOU ROTTEN KIDS! Uh, will you be hiring?

No.

Hermes

YOU ROTTEN KIDS!

Hermes

Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there.

Cubert

What was it?

Uh ... that we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while.

So, should we turn it off now?

Well, uh, that depends what's on.

Fry

Nothing good.

Ah, let's just keep watching.

Hermes

Dwight, the boots only cost me 299 dollars and 99 cents. Here, you spend the penny on whatever you want.

Thanks, dad. I think I'll invest it on five shares of Amazon.com.

Hermes

A risk taker. That's my boy.

The seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa!

LaBarbara

Kujichagulia...

And umoja...

Hermes

And the rest.

Now we get it!

Sit back down! There's gonna be a test.

Cooperative economics.

[to Dwight] Yo, boondocks, I'm talkin' here! Put away the comics!

Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities. [starts coming on to Zoidberg]

I think there's one called "nia," but I don't speak Swahili,

Prof. Farnsworth

That's from Xmas and Robanukah, you plagiarizing lout!

Yeah, I'm kinda losin' interest here. I'd best be rollin' out.

What's that, Black Santa?

You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night.

[writing on notepads] They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white.