[Hermes is threatening to jump off the Planet Express building.]
No! Don't jump!
Do a flip!
A character in Futurama
Planet Express crew
Futurama · 1,210 quotes
In 5 of the 1,210 quotes from Futurama
Most scenes with: Bender (2), Turanga Leela (2), Hermes Conrad (2)
[Hermes is threatening to jump off the Planet Express building.]
No! Don't jump!
Do a flip!
I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.
Eew!
Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?
Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song?
[singing] It's the violentest season of the year.
Old Kringle-bot has come to spread some mugs of Xmas fear.
Sugar-plummy visions will be dancing in your head
When I cane you from the comfort of my sled.
On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel,
Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel.
Prof. Farnsworth': And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass,
It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass.
But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial,
The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile.
The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous
Is a pine tree; a pine tree that's coniferous.
We have to have a pine tree as coniferous.
[flies away] You're welcome.
I've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!
[Fry gets out a holophonor; the Professor, a fiddle; and Dr. Zoidberg, an accordion, and start playing klezmer music.]
Bender': [singing] Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish,
But its ancient sounding customs are exceptionally newish.
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddish cup,
Which will give me time to quickly make them up.
Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Bender': Mine is called a droidel and it's rigged to make you pay.
Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Bender': Better!
We got fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
Shalom, Ruth and Esther!
Why with the music so loud?
Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?
Bender': But by far the most important thing is oil.
To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil?
Bender': No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle.
The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle.
[Hermes and LaBarbara provide backup on kalimba and drum respectively.]
The seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa!
So sit yo' asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya!
Kujichagulia...
And umoja...
And the rest.
Now we get it!
Sit back down! There's gonna be a test.
My favorite's ujamaa.
Cooperative economics.
[to Dwight] Yo, boondocks, I'm talkin' here! Put away the comics!
Ku'umba is another one, it stands for creativity.
Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities. [starts coming on to Zoidberg]
I think there's one called "nia," but I don't speak Swahili,
Sumthin' 'bout a pine tree and a oil-wrestlin' dealy?
That's from Xmas and Robanukah, you plagiarizing lout!
Yeah, I'm kinda losin' interest here. I'd best be rollin' out.
But before I go, the most important thing...
What's that, Black Santa?
You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night.
But they best be made of beeswax or y'all might as well be white.
[writing on notepads] They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white.
Philip J. FryBilly West · 404 quotes
BenderJohn DiMaggio · 356 quotes
Turanga LeelaKatey Sagal · 297 quotes
Professor Hubert FarnsworthBilly West · 249 quotes
ZoidbergBilly West · 110 quotes
Hermes ConradPhil LaMarr · 106 quotes
Amy WongLauren Tom · 91 quotes
Zapp BranniganBilly West · 76 quotes
Kif KrokerMaurice LaMarche · 30 quotes
LrrrMaurice LaMarche · 18 quotes
MorboMaurice LaMarche · 18 quotes
Cubert FarnsworthKath Soucie · 15 quotes
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