Robot Santa quotes from Futurama

Please let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!

Robot Santa

You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!

S2 Xmas Story

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I'm Santa Claus!

Hermes

No, I'm Santa Claus!

Amy

We're also Santa Claus!

Dr. Zoidberg

[with a heavenly aura around him] And I'm his friend, Jesus.

Your Mayor-ness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Poopenmeyer

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots! Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of Jesus! [The display shows "00"] Hey! Zero! [He throws the switch and sends the electricity through the electromagnets. Bender's arms and legs are pulled to them]

No! Not the magnets! [His eyes widen. singing] Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home. [The witnesses applaud] Swing low, sweet...

This is horrible.

Prof. Farnsworth

But it's not boring!

[Santa's sleigh crashes through the wall, knocking off one of the electromagnets]

Santa

Ho, ho, ho! [He shoots the other electromagnet off the wall. Everyone scatters except for Fry, Leela, Bender and Poopenmeyer. Fry and Leela dive behind some rubble]

Poopenmeyer

My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!

Zoidberg

I help those who help themselves.

[Santa shoots at him and he runs out. The sleigh lands]

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me!

Santa

[laughs] I'm not here to kill you, Bender! I need you to help me save Xmas.

Gee whiz, Santa! You want me to help you?

Don't do it! He's evil!

Santa

I know he is but I have no choice. I'm running late and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is: Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

Well ... 'tis the season!

[Santa pulls him out of his restraints and puts him in the sleigh. He climbs in and the sleigh flies off]

S3 A Tale of Two Santas

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Santa

Bender can't be Santa. He's not built to yuletide specifications.

Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

S3 A Tale of Two Santas

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NENeptunian elves

We are free and fairly sober

With so many toys to build

The machines are kind of tricky

Probably someone will be killed

But we gladly work for nothing

Which is good because we don't intend to pay

NENeptunian elves

The elves are back to work today

Hooray!

We have just a couple hours

To make several billion gifts

And the labor isn't easy

Then you'll all work triple shifts

You can make the job go quicker

If you turn up the controls to super speed

FLFry, Leela and Bender

It's back to work on Xmas Eve

NENeptunian elves

Hooray.

And though you're cold and sore and ugly

Your pride will mask the pain

Let my happy smile warm your hearts

NENeptunian elf

There's a toy lodged in my brain

NENeptunian elves

We are getting awfully tired

And we can't work any faster

And we're very, very sorry

Why you selfish little bastards!

Do you want the kids to think

That Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?!

Then shut your yaps and back to work!

NENeptunian elves

Now it's very nearly Xmas

And we've done the best we could

These toy soldiers are poorly painted

And they're made from inferior wood

I should give you all a beating

But I really have to fly

Robot Santa

If I wasn't stuck here frozen

I'd harpoon you in the eye

NENeptunian elves

Now it's back into our tenements

To drown ourselves in rye

You did the best you could I guess

And some of these gorillas are okay

NENeptunian elves

HOORAY!

RERandom elf

We're adequate!

AAll

The elves have rescued Xmas Day

Hooray!

S3 A Tale of Two Santas

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Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song?

Robot Santa

[singing] It's the violentest season of the year.

EElf

Old Kringle-bot has come to spread some mugs of Xmas fear.

Robot Santa

Sugar-plummy visions will be dancing in your head

When I cane you from the comfort of my sled.