Professor Hubert Farnsworth quotes from Futurama

Farnsworth

My God! I've got to save them! Although I am already in my pajamas. [falls asleep]

Farnsworth

[Talking on the phone] Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. How's his wife holding up? To shreds, You say.

Prof. Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily 8, the Mob Planet.

Prof. Farnsworth

Thank God there's plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Professor Farnsworth

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?

Professor Farnsworth

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.

Professor Farnsworth

Dear God, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup until January 3rd.

Prof. Farnsworth

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon on your chest, to crush those who disobey you! But I guess we're just two different people.

Professor Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love!

Prof. Farnsworth

Good news, everyone. Several years ago I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through.

Prof. Farnsworth

[being escorted away by a Sunset Squad robot] Goodbye, cruel world! Goodbye, cruel lamp! Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. [the robot groans] Cruel though they may be, I-- [the rather fed-up robot abruptly picks up Farnsworth and carries him away.]

Prof. Farnsworth

Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver.

Prof. Farnsworth

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now if they were to make it in the form of a suppository...

Professor Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! There's a report on TV with some very bad news!

Farnsworth

That question was less stupid. Though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.