Futurama · Season 2
Are you alright?
Ah, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure.
Not you. [She picks up Nibbler and looks in his mouth.] Aww, poor baby chipped a fang.
[She carries Nibbler away and kisses and pets him.]
Hey, I got a busted ass here, I don't see anyone kissing it!
Alright, I'm coming.
Bender, I thought you were supposed to be cooking for this party.
Fine, we'll have rack of Nibbler!
Just make a simple cake, and this time if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure you put them in after you cook it.
[after Bender flushed Nibbler down the toilet on purpose]
Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?
Well, step one: I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?
And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
Give it to me straight, doctor. Don't sugar-coat it.
All right. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiance crashed into your uninsured home, and you have inoperable cancer.
[laughs hysterically] Bet you didn't expect that one, Calculon!
Hey! What the hell are you doing with my head?!
I need to tinker in it.
Then why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?
[after Fry saw Blender flushed himself down the toilet in pursuit of Nibbler] Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next?
You guys realize you live in a sewer, right?
Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you!
No. We're on the top.
Daylight and everything.
It must be wonderful.
Meh.
That emotional display is making me nauseous. [turns the flashlight around] Or, maybe it's whatever that is.
I can think of no better place for this centre of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral Planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness?
I have no strong feelings one way or the other.
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
What?
Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me.
I never loved you.
I meant physically. Just let me work for a little food. I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
You don't know how to do any of those things.
Kif might!
Throw her in the brig.
We don't have a brig.
Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
[Later]
What shall I do with your civilian clothes?
Take them to the laundry/brig!
This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship ... Planet Express Ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace.
Should we trust him, Your Neutralness?
All I know is my gut says maybe.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
