Linda quotes from Futurama

Linda

Hi! Today, some bad things happened. One bad thing was, a train got crashed in New Jersey. Wanna see? People won't be late for work though. Because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains!"

Linda

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at elev...

Linda

This is the News at Eleven. The mysterious and unexplained...

Linda

Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest...

Linda

...won three Grammys last night...

Linda

...found dead in her bathtub.

Linda

This is the first time a presidential candidate got to see his own birth live.

Linda

Tonight on Datenight: Popplers. Eating them. Is it alright to? We have with us the CEO of Fishy Joe's, Mr. "Fishy" Joseph Gilman. Noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall Jr. And the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Turanga Leela.

Fry

"Turanga"?

Amy

That's her name, Philip.

Bender

"Philip"?

Linda

In what has become a holiday tradition, members of the Zarlon 7 Polar Bear Club today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.

Morbo

There were no survivors.

Linda

[Chuckles] Takes all kinds.

Morbo

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that's shaped like a man wearing a hat.

Linda

It's a T. It goes "tuh".

Morbo

Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Morbo

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace among the Dutch tulips.

Linda

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

Morbo

WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT!

Linda

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing a sudden case of global warming.

Morbo

Morbo is pleased but sticky.

Linda

In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.

Morbo

What's next? Gay robosexual marriage?!

Linda

Tonight at 11...

Morbo

DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Linda

Hey you! Good evening. Who you calling drunk? You're not drunk, I'm drunk!

Morbo

Tha's right Linda. Water is n... now booze and everyone's... titty much protally fitshaced.

Morbo

Our top story: All alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda?

Linda

I can no longer face my children!!!

Morbo

Linda?

Linda

Morbo? The so-called common cold, introduced by living fossil Phillip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly... after beating up Phillip J. Fry.

Fry

[after he and the others hear this] Phew... lucky I'm safely locked-up in here with you guys.

Amy

[pointing at Fry] THERE HE IS!

Hermes

GET HIM!

Linda

According to an anonymous Internet post, your anti-anger virus vaccine causes sterility. Care to comment?

Professor Wernstrom

The sterility is essential. Studies show that kids are what make people angriest. Everyone hates kids!