[on Homer running for sanitation commissioner] I don't know Ray Patterson, but he's no Ray Patterson.
Yeah, Homer's a great nuclear safety inspector, but I don't know if I'd trust him with my garbage.
S9Trash of the Titans
MMoe
You're gonna need to come up with a slogan that'll appeal to all the lazy slobs out there.
Aww, can't someone else do it?
MMoe
"Can't someone else do it?" That's perfect.
Really?
[campaigning] Aren't you tired of having to peel that last snotty Kleenex from the bottom of your wastebasket?
MIMan in crowd with enormous nose
I'll say!
Okay, before I show you, who wants to guess how I got the money?
Dealing drugs?
Drugs?
I'll have to say drugs too.
Close, but you're way off.
[the family arrive at the Outskirts to see garbage trucks from different states dumping their garbage in a mine beneath Springfield]
Look at that beautiful garbage. Other cities don't want it, so they pay me to dump it in this old abandoned mine.
That's awful! I almost wish it was drugs.
Some of it is.
[Bart points to a New York garbage truck dumping a large amount of syringes, firearms and grenades]
[Homer calmly enters his office with a briefcase, where he is greeted by a bunch of angry sanitation workers]
Morning, boys.
G1Garbageman #1
Where's our paychecks, you bum? [the head garbageman comes at Homer's desk with a baseball bat]
HGHead Garbageman
My men ain't workin' another minute until we get paid.
[Homer unhinges briefcase to reveal stacks of money]
Will cash be okay?
HGHead Garbageman
Will it?
[Mayor Quimby barges into Homer's office]
Did I just hear a briefcase opening?
AAdam
Look guys, I got a Springfield spoon for my spoon collection.
EThe Edge
Oh, here we go...
BBono
How many spoons have you got now, Adam?
AAdam
Nine. If I didn't have my spoons, I'd go insane.
BBono
Can I see it? [... tossed it behind]
AAdam
My spoon! [the spoon lands on Mr. Burns' head]
Ow! [mutters behind Bono and The Edge] Wankers.
S9King of the Hill
McBain to base. Under attack by commie Nazis.
They won't stop me for delivering these UNICEF pennies. Go pennies, help the puny children who need you.
[after McBain kills a Nazi by breaking his neck]
That's what I call 'breakneck' speed!
[poker-faced] Mom, a man just died.
[As Marge uses a telescope to look up at the mountain Homer just climbed]
Is that your wallet?
D'oh!
[Homer decides to take up running]
Well, let’s get started. [Begins to run, and when he is almost kneeling for exhaustion, sees he only got as far as the mailbox "Flanders"] D'oh!
If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. I'm 100% focused on my goal. Hey, my hat has ear-flaps.
Sorry, Marge, I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar. [He swallows the bar. Then dials the phone] Hospital, please.
Hmmmm… anyway, it's time for the church picnic.
What? They had a picnic last week.
No, they didn't. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church.
If God didn't wan't us to eat in church, he would have made gluttony a sin.
I’m getting light headed. Good, no heavy head to carry.
[A portable toilet is knocked over, exposing Comic Book Guy]
Oh! It appears I will have to find a new Fortress of Solitude.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.