[Homer jumps out of an airplane to get to Ranier Wolfcastle's wedding.]
Did I attach the harness!?
No!
S18Homerazzi
What's that comin' out of the safe?
I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Dad, that's ridiculous!
[The safe blows apart from the explosion.]
What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--[As it burns from the flames and begins melting]--I'd...have...to...[Melts into a plastic puddle]
[Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes] Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
[Becoming delighted upon the idea] Restage the photos!
Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
[Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.]
Nooooooo!
S18Marge Gamer
[Marge is telling her family how she is excited over discovering the Internet]
I am proud of you, mom! You are like Christopher Columbus - you discovered something millions of people knew about before you.
[angrily] You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore, and judging by how tight they are, I'm never going to be anyone else's either.
[Bart is about to revive Marge's character in the online role-playing game]
Mom, I'm going to give you life the way I imagine you gave me life...by pressing Alt+F5 repeatedly.
S18The Boys of Bummer
AAbe
You stink, LaBoot!
LLaBoot
No I don't! Google my stats! [to Bart] Just it for me kid, you'll be just fine.
You feel better now, Bart?
LLaBoot
Bart? Are you Bart Simpson? Talking to you was an error in my life!
Everybody boos Bart
LLaBoot
Boo. Boo indeed.
Bart starts crying
This makes up for everything that's ever gone wrong in my life – or ever will!
Jump! Who said that?
I hate Bart Simpson!
Bart lets go of the rope, falls down and lands on a bush, even when LaBoot tries to catch him. Abe comes by
AAbe
You stink, LaBoot!
LLaBoot
Dammit!
S18Crook and Ladder
Okay, here's the solution. I want you kids to lock the bedroom from the outside so I can't get out and perpetrate my nocturnal mischief.
Why don't you just stop taking the pills, you hothead?
Because I'm filled with stress! [smacks Bart on the back of his head and moans] I've got three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?!
[monotonous] Zombie kill!
Not kill, play!
[sullen] Zombie file grievance.
UFUnknown Firefighter
[furious] You horribly injured the fire department!
What are you, a travel agent? Because you're sending me on a guilt trip.
While our brave firemen recuperate, Springfield is a town without a fire department -- which is bad news for people like this man. [camera pans out to show man trapped in a burning house] Sir! How does it feel knowing that no one is coming to save you?
MMan
Not as bad as knowing that somewhere gays are marrying each other! That's the real emergency, Kent.
AApu
Apu is dead! He has been reincarnated as this cat.
[Homer and Moe gasp]
AApu
Ha! You have just been Apu'd!
S18Stop, or My Dog Will Shoot!
How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?!
Dad, why don't you throw me in the air and I can see which way is out? [he does] Corn. [again] More corn. [again] Another kid getting thrown in the air. [again] Witches' coven. [again] Seattle Space Needle. [again] Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You. [again] Oh, I'm getting dizzy. [again] And corn again.
[turns red in anger] Why, you little-- [strangles Bart] I'll teach you to trick your sister! [grunting while strangling Bart then being constricted by Strangles and changes color]
Homer, can you breathe?
Well, I can breathe out okay. [now really struggling to breathe] Don't give snake attention. It’s what he really-[turns red and falls to the ground] I'm okay!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.