The Simpsons · Season 16
[During the couch gag: the music is absent as the Simpsons sit on the couch as normal. Nothing happens. Lisa then looks at the camera]
What? Can't we sit on the couch without something happening?
[Just then, a spear comes hurtling at Homer and impales him in the chest. The family stares in shock]
D'oh!
[Homer and Grampa arrive at the border. Homer is dressed in Mexican clothing, including a sombrero]
[To border patrol] Hola señor! We are gringo and wish to spend mucho dinero in your country.
Splendid! Welcome to Canada!
D'oh!
Fear not Smithers! I'll move Heaven and Earth to save you! It's still easier then teaching a new assistant my filing system.
[While they ride to Canada] Homer! Tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me!
I was just telling him how brave he is to worship a false god.
I do not worship one god, okay? I worship a whole super team of deities that--[Ned pinches him] OW, ow! Okay, he just pinched me!
Well, where's your super team now?
Listen, you two! I'll tell you who the true God is if you're both quiet the rest of the trip!
[simultaneously]
But the infinite...
But the Bible says...
All right, I'm coming back there! [Unbuckles seatbelt and leaves driver's wheel to go to the back seat. The van swerves uncontrollably through traffic]
Save me, Shiva!
Why don't you just call for Hawkman?
Why don't you shut up?!
[After Homer and Grampa are arrested for smuggling in Canada]
We have confiscated your car and its contents.
Nous avons confisqué votre voiture et son contenu.
You may leave Canada, but never return.
Vous pouvez quitter le Canada, mais vous n'avez plus le droit de rentrer.
I am a big fat French idiot.
Je suis un grand gros...--hey!
Heh, heh, heh!
[Gives to Marge in case she wanted to cheat on Moe]
Homer Simpson Plus Size Butt Model
Marge, you can't go with me to Moe's. I mean, how would you like it if I came with you to your mother's?
I would like it. You never come with me to my mother's.
That's because I hate her.
Ugh, this whole place is disgusting.
I agree. [turns around] Hey, aren't you the crazy cat woman?
Yes I am, but thanks to this psycho-active medication, I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.
Those are just Reese's Pieces.
[Crazy Cat Lady abruptly resumes her normal behavior, screaming gibberish and hurling cats]
The Internet wasn't created for mockery. It was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was.
I'm the worst thing to happen to sports since Fox.
My name is Jeff Albertson, but everybody calls me "Comic Book Guy".
Well I'll just call you friend. Here's your tape, friend.
[We see Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man at the Super Bowl getting married]
I now pronounce you Pac-Man and wife.
[gulps] Time to face my punishment like a man, Or... lie my way out of it like a kid!
[reading a note] We have kidnapped your son. Follow instructions and Bart will not be harmed!
Lou, you're promoted to chief of police.
Sweet.
And Eddie, you're promoted to Lou.
Nice. And, uh, who's gonna be Eddie?
We don't need an Eddie. [Eddie looks down in disappointment.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
