Is this one of those reality deals where a guy gets a million bucks for marrying Aunt Patty but they have to honeymoon in a box full of snakes?
Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it! [picks up phone and dials]
P Phone
You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.
I want to clear up a misconception about the Wha-Cha-Ma-Carcass Sandwich. I used non -diseased meat from diseased animals! Everyone does it!
Now as the Road Runner said to the coyote. [jumps in the air mimicking the Road Runner] Beep Beep! [runs off]
VF Voice from Song
When my man and I shop for wedding gowns
We were mocked and shunned and pushed around
But yesterday we found a place to be gay
I'm going to marry my Harry in Springfield town
Gay-o, it's okay-o
Tie the knot and spend all you dough
Gay-o, come stay-o
Visit our website for further info
Springfield: A place where everyone can marry, even dudes! We're just off Route 202. Do NOT take the Jefferson Avenue exit. For God's sake, do not take that exit!
S16 On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
SM Sprawl Mart Boss
You're on fire, not like that useless old man.
Hey, that useless old man happens to be my father! Please continue.
SM Sprawl Mart Boss
If you don't work all night then we're deport you back to Mexico.
But I'm an American citizen.
SM Sprawl Mart Boss
Oh, really, Senor Homer? [Holds a forged ID card claiming Homer is Mexican]
[visiting the corpse of Mao Zedong ] Aww... Look at him sleeping... He's like a little angel, that killed 50 million people. [to Mao] Yes you are! Yes you are!
CB Chinese Bart
[the real Bart is absent] Feast on my shorts, you stupid American father!
MW Madam Wu
[after discovering Selma's scam] Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on wu!
MW Madam Wu
You may keep your baby, but you! Drop the panda!
[Homer is seen trying to smuggle a panda cub into his luggage]
But he loves me! [the panda bites Homer] OW! Why you little...! I'll endanger you! [strangles the panda]
I just think we should be building a nest egg.
Way ahead of you, Marge. I just ordered a series of tapes on saving money. They should get here soon. I paid a bundle for overnight delivery.
I have a book from the library with the same information!
Okay, I'll just hire a haulage firm to haul them away... at my expense! [he picks up the phone and dials 4-1-1] Directory assistance?
No more directory assistance! It's not free.
Well, I'll get a lawyer on that. No, a whole team of lawyers, who will dine on mustard flown in from the Orient.
No more Oriental mustard!
Last year you spent $5,000 on doughnuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter...
Hey, I earn that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump.
Oh, please . From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around "Googling" your own name until lunch.
[gasps] Who told you that?
You shouted it while we were making love!
And I am so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries! It was 20 years ago!
Would you look at those Simpson kids! Last year it was razor scooters, this year they're driving RVs. When I was a kid, my mom would give me an empty egg carton and I'd pretend it was a spaceship to the moon. You'll never guess what I used for astronauts!
Uh... I'm gonna say eggs.
Bring back our kids you Cyprus splitting jerks!
T Turkish Captain
Just for that, we keep your children!
Will you raise them Christian?
T Turkish Captain
Coptic Christian.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
