"Legends of Comedy", my tuchus! What has Fatty Arbuckle done that I haven't done?
S10Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
MMoe
[scoffs] Bye weeks. Bronko Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks, and now he's dead! [pause] Well... maybe they're a good thing.
All right, you guys have had way too much booze. [holds up some fresh bottles of Duff] Last call!
[The others clamor for the beer, getting overly rowdy]
[aims a pistol at them] Come on! Give me an excuse!
[After Homer, Wally and their troupe charge through various hallways looking for the Superbowl (with "Song 2" playing in the background)]
MMoe
Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour! Where the hell's the game?!
You guys are following me?! I was following Flanders!
GGuard
Players and VIPs only!
CCCatholic Church VO
The Catholic Church: We've made a few... changes. (changed to "The Church..." on some reruns and in closed captioning/subtitles)
These Super Bowl commercials are weird.
AFAll Football Players
[the 20th Century Fox fanfare plays in the background] Hi, Rupert!
S10Homer to the Max
[Homer sings to the tune of Goldfinger.]
Max Power
He's the man whose name you'd love to touch
But you musn't touch
His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it, you musn't fear
Cause his name can't be said
By anyone--
[Mr. Burns walks in.]
Ah, Max Power! How's every little thing?
You remembered my name!
Well, who could forget the name of a magnetic individual like you? Keep up the good work, Max!
Mr. Power.
Yes, Mr. Power.
But I fell in love with Homer Simpson. I don't wanna snuggle with Max Power.
MMax (Homer)
Nobody snuggles with Max Power - you strap yourself in and feel the G's! [performs a hip gyration]
Oh, Lord!
MMax
And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh no! I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Isn't that the wrong way?
MMax
Yeah, but faster! [walks into a cactus] D'oh!
We should really put that in the corner.
MMax
Awww, this is the worst party ever.
Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's? He didn't even have a clock.
S10I'm With Cupid
[Homer is telling Lisa a bedtime story]
...and then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the evil ogre, Barney, had left the men's room in the most wicked condition! So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley--
That's not a fairy tale; it's something that happened to you at Moe's!
Sssh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years, until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon.
[as Nelson hijacks Bart's project by forcing the dummy to drink the waste from its intestines] Hey, you're wrecking it!
Everybody's marriages is falling apart except ours. You see the problem is communication.... too much communication.
Will you stop it! It's easy to blame ourselves, but it's even easier to blame Apu!
S10Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers
Boy, that Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke. What television network is he on?
Why, NBC, of course.
NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat.
Do you think there's anything great on NBC right now?
Oh, I'm sure of it.
But there's only one way to find out...
[cut to the closing credits]
[voice-over] I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under ... [sound of gun cocking]... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox shows as possible. So in summary, NBC - bad. Fox - good. [very softly] CBS great.
[sound of gunshot, followed by a thud. The Gracie Films logo appears, accompanied by three more gunshots]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.