Bart [about the teachers-only talent show]: I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
S10Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers
[wearing chicken over his underpants] Look at me, Lise, I'm Baron Von Chicken Pants! [clucks like a chicken]
Bart, that's tomorrow night's dinner.
You're tomorrow night's dinner.
Mom! Bart took what I said and turned it into an insult!
[polishing the car] That's nice, dear!
[as he, Bart and Lisa run from stampeding rhinos] Don't worry, kids! I know just what to do! JUMANJI! [the rhinos keep charging] Does anything from the movies actually work?!
Homer [with an armful of snacks, pushes Marge into the driver's seat]: You drive. I eat. [crams pretzels in his mouth]
Lisa [from the backseat]: Dad, you were supposed to pay for those!
Homer [with mouth full]: I saw Krabappel's butt. I paid!
There's one rhino missing! If we don't find it, it'll be my ass on the barbie!
I'm gonna die! Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!
S10Make Room for Lisa
G1Guard #1
[after Homer damaged the bill of rights] You just licked off the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment.
G2Guard #2
[putting on brass knuckles] Hehe, beautiful.
Relax, Lisa! Meet your new comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson! [hums The Odd Couple Theme]
I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
[hums The Odd Couple theme and shoves Lisa in]
[turns on TV] Ooh, here's something you like. When Animals Attack Magicians.
MMagician
Pick a card, any- [noise of animal attacking] Aaaaaagh!!!
[Homer laughs]
[concerned] That's awful.
Awful entertaining.
[while in the sensory deprivation chamber, to the tune of The Witch Doctor] ooh! eee! ooh ah ah! Ting, Tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh eee ooh ah ah! Walla ting tang bing bing boo!
Wow, I've been a cat, a tree, and Cokie Roberts. It's happening again. I wonder where I'm going this time. What's that?
[A sandwich appears on a black background]
Yuck! That sandwich is full of meat. [As the meats rotate] There's bacon, Canadian bacon, Mexican bacon [drooling] and a mouth-watering veal chop.
[Two arms come from both sides of the screen, then grabs the sandwich. Lisa takes a bite]
Oh, no, now I'm dad!
[background, from Homer's point of view, fades in. He's at a ballet]
[as Homer] Oh, and I'm at a stupid boring ballet.
S10Maximum Homerdrive
FTFemale Trucker
There goes the finest trucker who ever lived.
He called me "greenhorn." I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
MTMale Trucker
In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making.
Oh, yes he will....and on time, too.
Oh no, Homer, no.
I got to, honey. I owe it to Red as both his friend and his killer.
Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
Don't you have school?
Don't you have work?
Ahh, touché.
Look son, it's one of nature's wonders, the convoy!
Oh yeah, I need something that will keep me awake, alert and restless all night long.
OCOld Clerk
Well Congress is racing back to Washington to outlaw these. [Pulls out a bottle labeled Stimu-crank]
Sold! [Takes pills and eats them all]
OCOld Clerk
You can't take that many pep pills at once!
Don't worry. I'll balance it out with a bottle of sleeping pills.
What's happening to me? There's still food, but i don't wanna eat it. I've become everything I've ever hated! [cries]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.