RPRegis Philbin
My eyes! My beautiful eyes!
S10Treehouse of Horror IX
You're beautiful.
Aw, somebody's in love. [picks up Scratchy] That means you'll have to be neutered.
Noooo!
[holding a spoonful of food in front of Maggie] Here comes the flying saucer! [Maggie starts to cry]
[On the Jerry Springer Show, after Kang brings out flowers for Marge and kisses her hand. Homer begins wailing on him]
You one-eyed, two-timing [bleep, bleep]! I'm going to [bleep]!
Oh yeah?! Well, [bleep] hyperbolic paraboloid [bleep] your mama!
JSJerry Springer
And now for my final thought; nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above the welfare of their child. [everyone onstage looks ashamed] Let's hope they put their differences aside and do what's best for Maggie. [Maggie lunges at Springer] What the [bleep]?! Get this [bleep] baby off! [she bites him] [bleep]! Son of a [bleep]!
[Kang and Homer try to pull Maggie off, but end up fighting again]
[with her head in her hands] I'm so [bleep] embarrassed.
[on The Jerry Springer Show]
AMAudience Member
I got a question for that gross thing, whatever it is.
JSJerry Springer
Homer?
AMAudience Member
Nah, the green dude.
Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.
[gasps] You intergalactic hussy! How could you?! [starts crying] Was he better than me?
I can't believe it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict.
And now he's dead.
Any-Hoo, this is your last chance. Turn over the baby now!
Or we will destroy all your leaders in Washington!
[not intimidated] Oh, you can't destroy every politician!
[darkly] Just watch us.
[Kang and Kodos laugh maniacally as they enter their spaceship and take off.]
Don't forget Ken Starr!
Suckers.
Come on, Maggie. Let’s go home.
[In Kang’s voice] Very well, I’ll drive. [Maggie laughs maniacally as the screen fades to black and starting opening credits showrunner.] I need blood. [After the credits of showrunner, Halloween ending theme music is hear of end credits roll. After the credits, Regis Philbin yells]
RPRegis Philbin
My eyes! My beautiful eyes!
[As the organ music plays in Gracie Films logo, the same as "Treehouse of Horror II" and 20th Century Fox Television logos appears at the end of the episode]
S10When You Dish Upon a Star
[speaking to Homer] You promised to take us to the lake.
I promise you kids lots of things. That's what make me such a good father.
Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
No that would make me a great father.
MMan
Sir you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.
Oh, that sounds like a wager to me.
[while parasailing] Ooh, I'm soaring majestically like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft!
When was the last time Barbra Streisand ever did the laundry for you? And when it's time to do the dishes, where's Ray Bolger?! I'll tell you where! Ray Bolger is looking out for Ray Bolger!!!
RHRon Howard
[pitching a movie] And it builds to a powerful emotional climax, where the father has to decide which of his children will live... and which one... will die.
EExecutive
Pass. What else have you got?
RHRon Howard
Well, there's one about a killer robot driving instructor, who travels back in time for some reason.
EExecutive
I'm listening.
RHRon Howard
And this robot- He's got a challenging decision to make about whether his best friend lives... or dies.
EExecutive
Ehh.
RHRon Howard
His best friend's a talking pie.
EExecutive
Sold! Howard, you've done it again!
S10D'oh-in in the Wind
AAbe
[grabbing Homer's arm] Shame on you, boy! Put some damn pants on then pull'em down! Cause it's time for a spankin!
Hear ye, hear ye! The intergalactic jester proclaims this conformity factory closed!
[Kids cheer and burst out of the school]
15 years of loyal service and this is how they tell me? A jester with an invisible proclamation?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.