[both Marge and Homer are drunk]
Now, which is our room again?
You know. It had that painting of that lady and that monster on the ceiling.
That was a mirror!
S22The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
S22Homer Scissorhands
Okay, first of all, it's never wise to use the word "spew" in a love song.
[realizes Homer snipped her hair and transformed it] Who undid my do?
Why would a popular fifth grader like Taffy be interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse?
I dunno. It's one of those mysteries, like how do my clothes get clean, and put back in my drawers?
Taffy's up to something, and I won't find out what it is sitting on a computer. It's time to get boots on the ground! [cut to Lisa putting flower-patterned boots to her feet] [sweetly] You like my boots?
Once you get past the sister ick, they're fine.
You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else. How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?
Milhouse, I...I...oh. [Lisa kisses Milhouse]
Lisa, does this mean you like me?
Yes. No! I don't know! It means that life is full of unexpected things and you should never give up. And you're cute in the moonlight. [Milhouse faints and falls off the cliff. A bald eagle flies up with Milhouse on its back]
Everything's coming up Milhouse [Lisa smiles]
S22500 Keys
What's this key with the plastic skull for?
That's for my box with the real skull.
So how come we have all these other keys?
Well, if you live long enough, you'll start to accumulate things. This is from a gas station's men's room. They put a block of wood on it so you don't walk away with it.
I've discovered a mystery wrapped in a riddle in the basement of a lousy school!
Homer [grabs a beer from the fridge in the Duff blimp cabin]: Hmm. Is it drinking and driving if you're flying a blimp? Maybe I can find the answer by texting. "Yo...Lenny...do you know anything about...driving...a...blimp...while...drunk?"
[The blimp wedges itself into a tunnel, then amazingly comes out unharmed]
Homer [after hearing the blimp squeaking]: What was that?
Hey, kids! If I tossed you guys a bucket full of something, could you pour it out and toss the bucket back up? Don't drink it!
That's where the ice bridge would be. Go down.
[Homer sends the blimp into a free fall]
Dad, stop!
But...ooh, there's so many [two] buttons.
[Lisa presses the stop button, managing to avoid a crash]
[falling from the blimp] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [sees bus 23 in the river] Oooooooh!
Skinner! When I say "drive us to Bolivia", that is your cue to start the damn car!
I can't find the key.
[Chalmers points in Bart's direction]
Looking for something?
Yes! My car key.
Does it look like this? [shows that he got Skinner's car key]
Yes. Quite a bit.
He's got your key, Seymour.
There are two things you didn't count on: my dad getting a giant wedding cake, and my sister locking herself in the car.
We planned for the wedding cake, we just didn't see the baby thing coming.
Well, you should've.
How could I? She wasn't even born yet.
People have babies!
S22The Ned-Liest Catch
Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules on your case, every work day you'll report to a school board holding facility. An educational limbo, as it were, where you are the unbaptized dead baby.
[Edna groans, looking disturbed]
They never seem to like that analogy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.