These flowers saved me from a terrible fate: not getting an A on my next science project!
S22The Scorpion's Tale
AAbe
What did you do during the war?
WHWalter Hotenhoffer
World War II? I wasn't born yet!
AAbe
It's funny how many Germans say that these days.
It's like we've got our own monster!
Your grandfather is not a monster! Now, let's chain him in the basement until the circus comes to town.
AAbe
Sounds good!
AAbe
Listen up Seniors! Together, we survived the Depression, won a few wars and put a man on the moon. In fact, the only mistake our generation made, was creating that generation! [points at Homer, Lenny and Carl dancing around Homer's burning car]
Homer, I told you he wouldn't sleep through it.
AAbe
In my day, women didn't make a sound!
S22A Midsummer's Nice Dream
Lisa's not here, man!
S22Love Is a Many Strangled Thing
[laughing hysterically] Quit it! [The audience starts laughing at Bart] Knock it off! Stop it! Dad, this isn't funny! [Bart pees his pants and Homer stops tickling Bart]
[pointing at the Jumbotron with his stadium cheering glove] The child has wetted his trousers! [The audience burst out laughing]
[holding his crotch embarrassed] Dad, how could you do that? The whole audience saw me pee my pants!
Son, I'm really, really sorry.
Taking pity on the boy, the operators of Springfield Stadium open the stadium's retractable roof, in an attempt to dry his pants. Unfortunately, the stain was picked up by Russian spy satellites and President Dmitry Medvedev has taken the pants wetting as a sign of American weakness. A Russian flotilla has just entered New York Harb--
[after TV turns off] Oh. Bart's never gonna forgive me for humiliating him.
RRaphael
Uh, not a good time to water the plants?
ZDr. Zander
No, it's fine.
[Kareem choking Homer again]
RRaphael
Hey, Kareem, what do you think about today's selfish players?
Precious, is that you?
Yes Mama.
You think you're so pretty, where's my Lotto Ticket?!
I forgot, Mama.
MMoe
Ooh, a text. Let's see. Text message for I.M.A. Wiener. As you can all can see, I.M.A. Wiener.
[All laughter]
I see it, Moe.
MMoe
"When I get a hold of you I..." Oh, Damn it! I typed an F and not a D... eh Delete, delete, delete... Oh Crap! I just sent donated $20 to Haiti!
[Bart laughing]
S22The Great Simpsina
Initiate Phase 2.
I forgot what Phase 2 is, but I'll assume we just dump the peaches like we discussed.
Affirmative.
I'll assume that means "yes".
Roger.
The name's Bart.
BBoy
I can see why they call you the "Great Simpsina".
My friends call me Lisa.
She has no friends.
Shut up!
S22The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
This is our house. There's nothing buried here but hopes and dreams.
Bart, I haven't been selling the truffles. I have been eating them.
Really? Why?
Vegetarian food is so boring! Pasta! Soy! You know what's a bad pizza topping? Broccoli!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.