Fear not Smithers! I'll move Heaven and Earth to save you! It's still easier then teaching a new assistant my filing system.
S16Midnight Rx
AApu
[While they ride to Canada] Homer! Tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me!
I was just telling him how brave he is to worship a false god.
AApu
I do not worship one god, okay? I worship a whole super team of deities that--[Ned pinches him] OW, ow! Okay, he just pinched me!
Well, where's your super team now?
Listen, you two! I'll tell you who the true God is if you're both quiet the rest of the trip!
[simultaneously]
AApu
But the infinite...
But the Bible says...
All right, I'm coming back there! [Unbuckles seatbelt and leaves driver's wheel to go to the back seat. The van swerves uncontrollably through traffic]
AApu
Save me, Shiva!
Why don't you just call for Hawkman?
AApu
Why don't you shut up?!
[After Homer and Grampa are arrested for smuggling in Canada]
COCanadian Official 1
We have confiscated your car and its contents.
COCanadian Official 2
Nous avons confisqué votre voiture et son contenu.
COCanadian Official 1
You may leave Canada, but never return.
COCanadian Official 2
Vous pouvez quitter le Canada, mais vous n'avez plus le droit de rentrer.
COCanadian Official 1
I am a big fat French idiot.
COCanadian Official 2
Je suis un grand gros...--hey!
COCanadian Official 1
Heh, heh, heh!
S16Mommie Beerest
HSHomer's Business Card
[Gives to Marge in case she wanted to cheat on Moe]
Homer Simpson Plus Size Butt Model
Marge, you can't go with me to Moe's. I mean, how would you like it if I came with you to your mother's?
I would like it. You never come with me to my mother's.
That's because I hate her.
S16Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
CCCrazy Cat Lady
Ugh, this whole place is disgusting.
I agree. [turns around] Hey, aren't you the crazy cat woman?
CCCrazy Cat Lady
Yes I am, but thanks to this psycho-active medication, I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.
Those are just Reese's Pieces.
[Crazy Cat Lady abruptly resumes her normal behavior, screaming gibberish and hurling cats]
The Internet wasn't created for mockery. It was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was.
I'm the worst thing to happen to sports since Fox.
My name is Jeff Albertson, but everybody calls me "Comic Book Guy".
Well I'll just call you friend. Here's your tape, friend.
[We see Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man at the Super Bowl getting married]
WAWedding Announcer
I now pronounce you Pac-Man and wife.
S16Pranksta Rap
[gulps] Time to face my punishment like a man, Or... lie my way out of it like a kid!
[reading a note] We have kidnapped your son. Follow instructions and Bart will not be harmed!
Lou, you're promoted to chief of police.
Sweet.
And Eddie, you're promoted to Lou.
Nice. And, uh, who's gonna be Eddie?
We don't need an Eddie. [Eddie looks down in disappointment.]
S16There's Something About Marrying
Is this one of those reality deals where a guy gets a million bucks for marrying Aunt Patty but they have to honeymoon in a box full of snakes?
Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it! [picks up phone and dials]
PPhone
You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.
I want to clear up a misconception about the Wha-Cha-Ma-Carcass Sandwich. I used non-diseased meat from diseased animals! Everyone does it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.