TV show quotes
Ned has shot Homer, who wobbles back and forth and finally falls next to the core destruct button.
[sighs in relief]
Homer's tongue flops on to the button and presses it.
Oh, you stupid son of a--
Springfield explodes. Ned and Homer are sent to Heaven behind the gate.
Homer, I'm so mad at you. I bet you blew up the town just to get out cleaning the garage! Yeah, Well, the joke's on you, smart guy, the garage made it to Heaven too!
[the garage now has wings and a halo]
Homer Simpson, it's time you got what's coming to you... your Frisbee.
Captain!
Science officer!
Security!
Marge!
Now I insist you take off your shoes when you get inside. And while you're in there, grab as much cancer as you can.
Mr. Flanders, why are you moving?
Cause I had a vision of myself... shooting your father.
In this neighborhood, who hasn't?
Well, you can't fight fate, but if you must shoot our father, please remember our family motto: "Not in the face."
Well, well, well, look who's here. Master Detective Eliza Simpson and her easily amazed sidekick, Dr. Bartley.
What's this? A doorknob! Good show!
[after eating eel pie] We British sure eat crap.
You may examine my curios, but do not touch my oddities. Use your judgment with my gewgaws.
[spots Flanders and his sons as shrunken heads] I recognize the missionaries!
I just told a Native they were having sex the wrong way.
[to Lou] Why can't you be more like Eddie? He never says a word against me.
That's 'cause you cut out his tongue.
[without a tongue] E's 'ight 'eef.
[escaping in a hot-air balloon] You'll never catch me! I'm traveling at the speed of wind! Ha, ha, ha! [a spaceship pops the balloon which causes it to spin away into the distance] Remember me for my police work and not the murders!
Why is my swimsuit so revealing?
Marge, that's what turns a mediocre voyage into a fantastic voyage.
[to Marge] Mom, did you have to fly out through all those boogers?
Cut me some slack, I'm a widow.
You don't want to piss off a man who can kick you in the crotch from the inside.
[reading] Canned and frozen juices are more popular than ever these days, but most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes.
Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
