[reading a note from Lisa] I look up to you... because you let me down. That's clever. And devastating.
S16All's Fair in Oven War
I'm just spreading the Playdude philosophy... hi-fi's, Norman Mailer, gettin' some.
Um... what do you think "some" is?
Uh... toys?
Hey sweetie, is mom winning?
[Preparing to teach Bart about sex] Son, do you know what a "boob" is?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, good. That will save us some time.
Okay, why do you think your mother and I sleep in the same bed?
Because we're poor?
Exactly, and we're poor because we have kids. And the biological method by which children are created by a man and a woman is...
[cut to outside of the treehouse; Bart can be heard screaming, and quickly runs to Milhouse's house]
Then the man...
[Bart and Milhouse can be heard screaming; they run to other children's houses]
BMBart and Milhouse
Then the woman...
[Bart and Milhouse can be heard screaming, and run to two more houses, screaming and many kids run to many houses]
Well, better they hear it from me, now, than from their parents when they're old enough.
Someone somewhere says I'm better than someone else.
S16Sleeping With the Enemy
[Homer's making a sketch of himself for Lisa, in explaining "the Simpson butt"]
Every Simpson starts with a circle. Daddy has one big circle here...[belly]...then a smaller one up here...[chest]...two big, sexy circles for eyes, one macho muzzle...then a snappy new outfit. Ooh, I'm looking good. [draws pants] Ooh, cuffs, yeah. And for some reason, my hair and ear form an "M" and a "G". [completes sketch]
[when he sees Nelson helping Marge out with the garden] My mother... My bully... My God!!!
A doctor for your teeth? What's next, a lawyer for your hair?
He who ha-has last, ha-has best.
Bart did get 100. I gave a test on state capitals, but I forgot to roll up the map. Everyone got 100.
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck-
[Fast forward to hours later, where everyone clearly frustrated and/or asleep]
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck,-
Say goose, you stupid freak!
[Ralph runs out of the room crying]
What, I'm not fat enough already?! How could you say that to me?!
[about Bart and Lisa to Marge]
PSPrincipal Skinner
They're just asserting their independence. If a child doesn't do it now, it may never happen.
Seymour! Do you want your vitamin in apple sauce or are you gonna take it like a big boy?
PSPrincipal Skinner
[quietly] Apple sauce.
Come on Lisa, say everything's fine. [in a squeaky girly voice] Everything's fine.
That was you!
Prove it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.