Do you want to practice your speech on me?
[chuckles] No need, honey! Same speech I give every year. The opening joke about Lenny's grandma always kills.
You can't joke about her. They just put her on life support.
What?! No! She's the linchpin!
It's okay, it's okay. Everyone is terrified of public speaking. But just in case, I'll defrost a failure ham.
You don't have faith in me! I have savers! If I get heckled, I'll say, "Get a half-life!".
[Marge stares at him]
I'm sure that'll be funny to them.
Ooh. Throwing away your "No Girls" sign? Is it time for you to have "the talk" with your dad? Because he's gonna have to read a few things first.
No! I'm tearing it down. Ralph has a cool treehouse, and mine sucks.
Well, Bart, your father built it, and he did the very best he could.
[a flashback shows Homer building the treehouse on a sapling]
I did my job. Now it's your turn, tree! Get growing!
I'll tell you what, why don't I spruce it up for you? Huh?
But you're an inside grown-up. Moms can't build treehouses.
You realize that saying that is gonna make this mom work her keister off to make you the best darn treehouse you ever saw!
[during Gracie Films/20th Century Fox logos] Waiting on the pants. Oh Bart, not culottes! No!
Same thing. See you Monday!
[on a phone call with Marge] Marge, baby, I'm out the door.
Are you sure? Because sometimes people say they're out the door when they really haven't left yet.
Those people are horrible, horrible liars. See you soon! [hangs up the phone]
Simpson! Not so fast. Hold up one end of this poster! [Homer and Smithers hold a "Safety first, last and always" poster] Now use it to conceal this. [they close a leak with the poster] Excellent. Now, let me just crank up the plumb bob to determine the vertical marvel, we'll have this poster level in under three hours!
[dressed as a seahorse] Mom! Mom! My costume for the science play is all wrong!
You said you were a seahorse!
A male seahorse, with a pouch!
Male seahorses' nurturing is one of the wonders of the world. You said you read the script!
Bart gave me a synopsis, I... [realizes that Bart made up the synopsis] Oh boy.
[Maggie spills her carrots and peas on Marge]
Mom, I'll clean that up for you.
Oh, thank God, some help.
Under the mop! [Bart opens a closet] Other closet! [he opens the second closet and some things fall from it]
There's stuff in front of it. [Marge groans] Let me help! [grabs a box and two bottles fall from it and start crossing the floor] Ay caramba! Hey, there's wood underneath this linoleum.
Oh! Just go play outside.
Bartholomew! This playground has safely stimulated my imagination.
What the hell are you talking about?
M Martha
Martin! [chuckles] Who's your new friend?
[whispering] Mother, don't blow this for me!
M Martha
Fine, I'll just go sit and talk to his mother. Where is she?
I'm here by myself. But I have a safety number! [calls a number on his phone]
Moe's Tavern. Homer ain't here, and for once, that's the truth. [Martha calls the police]
Marge is right, Your Honor. My e-mail password is "bad dad."
Yeah, Judge. If you wanna know who should be in jail, he weighs 240 and smells like onions. [Homer slaps Bart in the back of the head]
Simpson, are you here unsupervised?
I'd lose the attitude, "Sylvester Stallone"! [Lou chuckles] Finally, a laugh out of Lou! Son, kids aren't allowed on their own anymore, now who said you could come here?
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