Geez, Louise. Look at this mess. I told that boy a billion times to pick up his jun---. [He accidentally steps on Bart's skateboard and he's sent flipping and rolling down the stairs. He screams the whole way down, cursing a bit as well.]
S1The Crepes of Wrath
Bart, if you haven't clean up your room like I asked you to, your father's trick back would still be aligned. So, you pick up this mess right now.
[Principal Skinner offers a solution to Bart's problems at school]
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider deportation.
Deportation?! You mean kick Bart out of the country?!
Hear him out, Marge.
[Adil and Lisa debate at the dinner table]
AAdil
How can you defend a country where five percent of the people control 95 percent of the wealth?
I'm defending a country where people can think, and act, and worship any way they want!
AAdil
Can not.
Can too.
AAdil
Can not!
Can too!
Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.
[in French] He, monsieur, aidez-moi! Ces deux gars me font travailler jour et nuit. Ils ne me donnent rein à manger. Ils me font dormir par terre. Ils mettent anti-freeze dans le vin et ont donné mon chapeau rouge à l'âne. (You gotta help me! These two guys work me night and day. They don't feed me. They make me sleep on the floor. They put anti-freeze in the wine, and they gave my red hat to the donkey.)
FPFrench Policeman
Anti-freeze dans le vin? C'est tres sérieux. Veins avoc moi, mon graçon. Tu n'as plus rien à craindre maintenant. (Anti-freeze in the wine? That's a very serious crime. Come along, boy. You have nothing to fear now.)
Mon sauveur. Tu auras toujours une place dans mon coeur. (My savior. You will always have a place in my heart.)
S1Krusty Gets Busted
AApu
What's the matter, sir? Never have I seen you look so unhappy while purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.
The reason I look unhappy is that tonight I have to see a slideshow starring my wife's sisters. Or as I call them "The Gruesome Twosome."
[Homer and Apu chuckles. Homer turns around to head back to the car and accidentally steps on Sideshow Bob's foot]
[disguised as Krusty] Ow! My foot, you lousy stupid clumsy...!!!
Sorry, pal. [gasps in horror when he notices Krusty holding a handgun and dives head first into a potato chip display]
[disguised as Krusty and drawing his gun at Apu] Hand over all your money in a paper bag!
AApu
Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know. [hands over a paper bag after which Krusty flees] You can emerge now from my chips. [Homer peaks his head] The opportunity to prove yourself a hero is long gone.
[Homer gasps with relief]
[Outside the studio, Sideshow Bob is arrested by the police. Everyone else watches on, while Bart, Lisa and the other children have their arms folded in anger over what he done to Krusty]
[in handcuffs] Yes, I admit it. I hated him! His hackneyed shenanigans robbed me of my dignity for years. I played the buffoon, while he squandered a fortune on his vulgar appetites. That's why I framed Krusty! And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for these meddling kids!
Take him away, boys.
[being carted off to jail] Treat kids like equals, they're people too. They're smarter than what you think! They were smart enough to catch me!
S1Some Enchanted Evening
Aw, come on, Bart, not again!
[dialing the phone] Aw, where's your sense of humor?
MMoe
Moe's Tavern.
Hello, is Al there?
MMoe
Al?
Yeah, Al. Last name: Coholic.
MMoe
Lemme check. [calls] Phone call for Al! Al Coholic! Is there an Al Coholic here?! [bar denizens laugh] Wait a minute... [to the phone] Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'll kill you! [hangs up]
[Bart and Lisa laugh]
[depressed] I hope you do find that punk someday, Moe. Fill 'er up.
A little pre-dinner entertainment.
MMoe
[answering the phone] Moe's Tavern.
Is Oliver there?
MMoe
Who?
Oliver Klozoff.
MMoe
Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff, call for Oliver Clothesoff!
BLBart and Lisa
[laugh]
[Marge picks up the phone]
MMoe
[on the phone] Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
[hangs up] Goodness, must be a crossed wire.
[Marge dials the babysitting service. At the Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service, there are three older women, including Ms. Botz]
RReceptionist
Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service.
This is Marge Simpson. I'd like a babysitter for the evening.
RReceptionist
Wait a minute. The Simpsons? [looks over at a bulletin board with Bart, Lisa and Maggie's faces on it, warning their employees not to babysit them due to their countless misbehavior] Lady, you've got to be kidding! [slams the phone, continues writing, phone rings seconds later] Rubber Baby Buggie Bumper Babysitting Service.
Hello, this is Mr. S...Sampson.
RReceptionist
[sensing something fishy] Did your wife just call a second ago?
No, I said Sampson, not Simpson.
RReceptionist
[visibly relieved] Thank God! Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages! Especially that big ape father!
[angrily] D'oh! [trying to keep calm] Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours and we found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.
This way to the scene of the crime, men! I got her tied up in the den.
[angrily grabs Bart] Just a minute, young man! I don't know what kind of shenanigans you've been pulling this time, but I just had to untie your baby-sitter and pay her off so that--
RReporter
Excuse me. Are you saying to the world that you just aided and abetted the escape of the notorious Baby-sitter Bandit?
The what?
R2Reporter 2
The Baby-sitter Bandit.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.