[The Simpsons walk through Springfield as chaos ensues]
Well, look at the wonders of the computer age now.
Wonders, Lisa? Or blunders?
I think that was implied by what I said.
Implied, Lisa? Or implode?
Mom, make him stop.
S11Treehouse of Horror X
[Trying to pass himself off as smart to let himself onto the rocket to Mars] Surely, you must know me! I'm, uh...the piano genius from the movie Shine!
RSRocket Security Guard
[Unconvinced] Uh-huh. And your name is...
Uh...Shiney McShine?
Let's just have some milk and go to bed. [pours the milk, but milk liquid flies all over the place] Hey, this milk's broken!
It's got a computer chip in it. Everything does!
[Homer is looking around the spaceship]
Ooh! There's Ross Perot...Dr. Laura...Spike Lee...
Wait, they're not that great.
Okay, there's Dan Quayle and Courtney Love...Tonya Harding...Al Sharpton?
[Tom Arnold walks in]
AAH! Tom Arnold?! What the hell's going on?!
Only that ship's going to Mars. This one's headed straight for the sun!
TATom Arnold
Yeah, ain't that a kick in the teeth? I mean, my shows weren't great, but I never tied people up and forced them to watch. And I could've, because I'm a big guy and I'm good with knots.
The sun?! That's the hottest place on Earth!
S11E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)
Ooh, you don't want to get Zorro mad. [accidentally pours hot butter on Marge's thigh]
You're pouring hot butter on my leg!
[after it's been decided that the family will live on Grampa's old farm]
I'll dig an outhouse!
I'll weed the floor!
I'll repress the rage I'm feeling! [plasters a fake smile on her face]
[Homer is offering tomacco to Ralph Wiggum and his father, Police Chief Clancy Wiggum]
Try some, won't you?
CWChief Wiggum
Go ahead, Ralphie; the stranger is offering you a treat!
[Takes a bit and immediately spits it out] Oh, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma!
CWChief Wiggum
[does the same] Holy Moses! It DOES tastes like Grandma!
I want more! [Starts devouring more tomacco]
CWChief Wiggum
Yeah, me too; so we take a bushel or a peck, or...? Oh, just give 'em to me. [Joins his son]
[chuckles]
S11Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
[Homer tries to bond with Maggie by dressing up as a Teletubby]
[in baby talk] Look, Maggie, I'm Homie-Womie, the Teletubby. [sternly] And I'm all man in case you heard otherwise!
[playing peek-a-boo] Where's Maggie? Where's Maggie? [uncovers his eyes] Hey, where is she?
I think I know what they're doing here Lisa. They did it to Jesus, and now they're doing it to me.
Are you comparing yourself to our Lord?!
Well, in bowling ability.
[Homer is concentrating hard on bowling a perfect 300 game]
Miss! Miss! Sorry, I was calling the waitress. Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke!
Lenny!
What?! I paid $7.10 for this split!
Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad!
Hey! Spare me your guttermouth--
[Is cut off by Homer throwing a bowling ball at his stomach.]
S11Eight Misbehavin
[As Apu and Manjula await the results of the pregnancy test]
AApu
Here goes nothing.
AMApu and Manjula
[as symbols appear on the tester] Baby... baby... lemon.
All that sex for nothing.
AApu
Well, that is a pretty grim assessment.
[Apu is asleep with the babies]
Apu, it's 4 am. You're late for work.
AApu
Oh. I just had the most beautiful dream where I died.
Oh no you don't! Not til they're out of college.
AApu
Listen, I'll die when I want to!
[After Apu complains about his babies] Well, they can be a handful...of joy!
AApu
Shut up!
They can fill your life with-
AApu
Shut up!
Can't put a price on a miracle!
AApu
I can't believe you won't shut up!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.