The Simpsons quotes

Sea Captain

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

And that's that. Another story in the classic infallible three-act structure. Good enough for Aristotle, good enough for The Simpsons.

Lisa

Mr. Szyslak, I have a feeling there's going to be one more act to this story.

Well I'm not hanging around for that. Pfftt. Four acts.

[chanting] There is no over the top, there is no over the top.

Never forget, you're all my little monsters.

Actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. Pick your poison.

Lisa, what you did is like my mother sticking ten bucks in her own g-string.

Homer

I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows cause the damage is on the inside and the first warning sign is sudden death.

Principal Skinner

Well, Lady Gaga couldn't arrive soon enough for one Lisa Simpson. Now let's turn to the ever-unpopular "Popularity Awards," the awards voted by students, in judgment of their peers. No way that can go wrong. First up, Campus Clown. [opens the envelope to reveal purple water covering his face] Bart Simpson!

Bart

Without awards show, how would I know what movie has the best beheading or that Glee is a comedy?

[on Ralph] Ah, he's a dumb kid, but he's an above average dog. Roll over, son!

Homer

[accidentally climbing the real tree] Oh, I'm on the wrong tree!

Marge

Just once I'd like your father to be on a Jumbotron for something good.

Homer

You've learned a very valuable life lesson, boy. Which is that love doesn't exist except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kinda hates you, but you can't get it together to leave.

Bart

Come on, Dad. You love New York, now that your two least favorite buildings have been obliterated: Old Penn Station and Shea stadium.

If the late great Nora Ephron taught us anything, it's that - oh, what's my other inflatable doll doing here?!?

Bart

Now to get my comic book and explore a world where no one's mad at George Lucas.