The Simpsons quotes

Hey, you little brats. Get down from those battlements. Those boxes are for shipping. Not for creating a world of pure imagination. Give them back!

Bart

Not until we are bored with them. Now begone!

[Voice becomes deeper] I shall go. But I will return with an army of my brethren. And together, we shall take back what is ours and hell will rain down upon you!

Lisa

What if we're not here?

We will come two more times. And then you will have to come to our customer's center. [Normal Voice] It's near the airport, where the old Crown Books used to be.

Bart

Who knew guys in brown shirts could cause so much trouble?

[looking through Homer's photos] Terrific! Outstanding! This has Page One written all over it! What the hell did you do that for?

Homer

I wanted to remember my place in the book I was reading.

Marge

[after fire caused by birthday candle] This disasterette was a real wake up call, we need to find a way to protect our irreplaceables.

You could buy a fire-proof safe.

Homer

Or we could just resolve to be more careful with our open flames.

Sir we've been here six times this month.

Homer

Yeah but, uhm, one of those I dialed 911 by mistake but I was too embarrassed to admit it, so I set the house on fire. Feels good to tell the truth... no I'm lying again it feels bad.

Homer

[while taking a shower by a fire hydrant] Can't you see I have privacy?

Marge

[the day after, looking at "Mrs. Mom" movie poster, which has a picture of Rainier Wolfcastle] Well, at least it got made.

Homer

Did I attach the harness!?

Lisa

No!

Bart

What's that comin' out of the safe?

Homer

I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.

Lisa

Dad, that's ridiculous!

Homer

What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--[As it burns from the flames and begins melting]--I'd...have...to...[Melts into a plastic puddle]

Marge

[Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes] Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.

Lisa

I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.

Marge

[Becoming delighted upon the idea] Restage the photos!

Bart

Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!

Bart

Nooooooo!

Lisa

I am proud of you, mom! You are like Christopher Columbus - you discovered something millions of people knew about before you.

Lisa

[angrily] You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!

Homer

When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore, and judging by how tight they are, I'm never going to be anyone else's either.

Bart

Mom, I'm going to give you life the way I imagine you gave me life...by pressing Alt+F5 repeatedly.

You stink, LaBoot!

No I don't! Google my stats! [to Bart] Just it for me kid, you'll be just fine.

Lisa

You feel better now, Bart?

Bart? Are you Bart Simpson? Talking to you was an error in my life!

Boo. Boo indeed.

Homer

This makes up for everything that's ever gone wrong in my life – or ever will!

Chief Wiggum

Jump! Who said that?

Bart

I hate Bart Simpson!

You stink, LaBoot!

Dammit!

Homer

Okay, here's the solution. I want you kids to lock the bedroom from the outside so I can't get out and perpetrate my nocturnal mischief.

Bart

Why don't you just stop taking the pills, you hothead?

Homer

Because I'm filled with stress! [smacks Bart on the back of his head and moans] I've got three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?!